Well I'm now one BIIIIG Bubba. In fact I'm not a Bubba anymore. I'm nearly 5 years old. Yep, just about an adult.
Things have picked up in the last few years.
My Maaarm (who won't let me call her Oink anymore, but I do just to get her mad!), ya know, Dianne TaKnow, well we have a new house, with a new Stepdad or whatever you call the new male arrival in her life. Mum doesn't see Pip as much at home anymore thank goodness, although I think they still go for coffee every day and talk the same crap they've been talkin' their whole lives.
But now that I'm really old I have a lot more responsibility, and I take her shopping and hold her hand all the time because, weeeell, she's pretty dumb and she gets lost lots of times. She also likes to hold hands with me because it makes her feel safe. You know, like she knows that nobody is gunna belt her when she's got such a big guys hand to hold. You know all that instacurity the Mum's go through. She's really bad at hand holding though, especially in shopping centres and places like that.....
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Oink Well I think it suits her!
BigKid Bubba all growed up
SCENE
Peak hour shopping at one of the biggest Shopping joints in the Galaxy, Westerfields. Oink's always in a hurry when we go shopping, and she's reeeeeeally embarassing to be with. She keeps grabbing my hand 'cause she's scaaaared of everybody. And she keeps running into everybody especially at the Supermarket. She has already done a couple of Hit and Runs. She never looks. She just keeps looking at the groceries and runs people over! Seriously, it's a wonder they don't lock her up for a salt......
Oink/Mum Quick grab my haaaand. How many times do I have to tell
you....
BigKid See toldja.........
Mum Can you pleeeese just grab my haaand. Now I won't tell
you again darling.....
BigKid See toldja. Instacurity.....
Mum Daaaarling, stop walking off. Pleeeeas grab my hand...
BigKid Fuuuuneee isn't she? Uses me 'cause she's scaaaared...
She's a salted about a hundred shoppers today. Cops
should lock her up.
"Mum watch where you are going....people are looking
OMG mum you just knocked over a really old lady.
That's it I'm going......"
Mum COME BACK HERE....NOW...
BigKid (snickering) Translated that means she's lost and wants me
to guide her outta the store. Dumb broad....
Mum OK suit yourself, I'm going...
BigKid Yeah, riiiight. As if. She uses that one all the time. I wish
she'd get used to the fact I'm almost as big as her.
Anyway I'm sick of taking her round everywhere. It is
rule embara sing. "Good one Mum. Where are you. Mum?
Maaarm, Maaaarmy, Aaaaarr (crying), Maaaarmy
(screaming throwing tantrum on floor).....
Mum Oh get up. Stop that. Get up you naughty Boy
BigKid (snickering) As if dumbass. Now are you ready to go.
.....'cause I am. You know it'll get a lot worse if you don't
do as I saaay....
Mum (Angry) Oh that's it I'll have to take you home.
Grabs his hand.......
BigKid (smiling and winks). See, works every time...
Onya Oinky baaabbeee....
Coming Up: Plus Thirty
Things have picked up in the last few years.
My Maaarm (who won't let me call her Oink anymore, but I do just to get her mad!), ya know, Dianne TaKnow, well we have a new house, with a new Stepdad or whatever you call the new male arrival in her life. Mum doesn't see Pip as much at home anymore thank goodness, although I think they still go for coffee every day and talk the same crap they've been talkin' their whole lives.
But now that I'm really old I have a lot more responsibility, and I take her shopping and hold her hand all the time because, weeeell, she's pretty dumb and she gets lost lots of times. She also likes to hold hands with me because it makes her feel safe. You know, like she knows that nobody is gunna belt her when she's got such a big guys hand to hold. You know all that instacurity the Mum's go through. She's really bad at hand holding though, especially in shopping centres and places like that.....
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Oink Well I think it suits her!
BigKid Bubba all growed up
SCENE
Peak hour shopping at one of the biggest Shopping joints in the Galaxy, Westerfields. Oink's always in a hurry when we go shopping, and she's reeeeeeally embarassing to be with. She keeps grabbing my hand 'cause she's scaaaared of everybody. And she keeps running into everybody especially at the Supermarket. She has already done a couple of Hit and Runs. She never looks. She just keeps looking at the groceries and runs people over! Seriously, it's a wonder they don't lock her up for a salt......
Oink/Mum Quick grab my haaaand. How many times do I have to tell
you....
BigKid See toldja.........
Mum Can you pleeeese just grab my haaand. Now I won't tell
you again darling.....
BigKid See toldja. Instacurity.....
Mum Daaaarling, stop walking off. Pleeeeas grab my hand...
BigKid Fuuuuneee isn't she? Uses me 'cause she's scaaaared...
She's a salted about a hundred shoppers today. Cops
should lock her up.
"Mum watch where you are going....people are looking
OMG mum you just knocked over a really old lady.
That's it I'm going......"
Mum COME BACK HERE....NOW...
BigKid (snickering) Translated that means she's lost and wants me
to guide her outta the store. Dumb broad....
Mum OK suit yourself, I'm going...
BigKid Yeah, riiiight. As if. She uses that one all the time. I wish
she'd get used to the fact I'm almost as big as her.
Anyway I'm sick of taking her round everywhere. It is
rule embara sing. "Good one Mum. Where are you. Mum?
Maaarm, Maaaarmy, Aaaaarr (crying), Maaaarmy
(screaming throwing tantrum on floor).....
Mum Oh get up. Stop that. Get up you naughty Boy
BigKid (snickering) As if dumbass. Now are you ready to go.
.....'cause I am. You know it'll get a lot worse if you don't
do as I saaay....
Mum (Angry) Oh that's it I'll have to take you home.
Grabs his hand.......
BigKid (smiling and winks). See, works every time...
Onya Oinky baaabbeee....
Coming Up: Plus Thirty
RSS Feed