"Faith is a mystery; it is a journey without a map. It unfolds like a rose, sometimes tightly budded, sometimes in full bloom. When you think it has withered, it sprouts somewhere else. When you think you've got it figured out, you discover a deeper layer or a path you never knew existed. I once was lost but now I'm found. Amazing grace."
- Sue Irsfeld, writer and editor
two beautiful to describe.....
It's funny how I write BLOG thingie nearly everyday. It was originally intended that I would describe all of the STEPS in my Journey back to being ME again. And it's what I have done but I am using it for other stuff as well. Namely MOI (French for ME). Because it is such a long and emotional Journey I use it as much for my own experience as yours, probably even more. You have heard me talk about the NEGOBS, the negativity that is a direct result of the obstacles. It is the negativity that tries to kill us off. The obstacle is usually only a moment in time, a tragic one that corrupts our very soul. It plays games and tricks with our MIND.
All of these EXPERIENCES I have been through have strengthened my resolve, the very metal in me. Of that there is no doubt. Because of my Spiritualism, meditation, and the creative Journey I am on, I can now point straight to any negativity trying to break me down and deal with it.
All of these EXPERIENCES I have been through have strengthened my resolve, the very metal in me. Of that there is no doubt. Because of my Spiritualism, meditation, and the creative Journey I am on, I can now point straight to any negativity trying to break me down and deal with it.
.....sometimes we become LOST in LIFE....
As you know I am still living in the bush and sleeping in a tent. Lately that arrangement has become a bit of a problem and I have had to relocate several times. It is an inconvenience that I could do without. But that's all it is. An inconvenience. So WHY is this so? Hmmmmmm......
Well if you have a read of the quotation above from Sue Irsfeld, it will pretty much answer the WHY. I once was lost but now I'm found. Amazing grace. What a beautiful description of an answer. See, to personalise that quotation it goes like this......
Well if you have a read of the quotation above from Sue Irsfeld, it will pretty much answer the WHY. I once was lost but now I'm found. Amazing grace. What a beautiful description of an answer. See, to personalise that quotation it goes like this......
....get ready, she cometh....
Before as a pretty busy 'corporate executive' my life was all about MOI. How much money I could make, where I could live, what sort of car I drove. I fed my own EGO and I fed it well. But with all of the EGO I was untrue to myself. I bluffed myself that I was HAPPY. That the money, the car, the luxurious lifestyle was making me happy was simply a delusion of grandeur. But the EGO loves these delusions because it feeds our NEED to be as comfortable as we can possibly be. To have all the THINGS we need to make us happy. To be better than ? To live life in the fast lane. Well I just described moi to a tee. But then BANG CRASH SMASH OUCH happened, of course all caused by that 'happy' dude ME MYSELF and MOI. Oh Oh. I've done it now. This is soooo embarrassing. OMG, What will people think? I'd better hide. Seclusion. Reclusive. ALONE. Sad. Depressed. SCAAAAARED. Broke. LOST......... Aaaaarrgghh.........
Huh? Wot?
LOST
Uh huh. Yep. In trouble?
Hell yeah. I was gone........ it was the END........ or so I thought.
I wasn't LOST geographically. Nup. I knew 'eggs actly' where the commercial rubbish bin I was sleeping in was situated. But I was LOST........
LOST as far as nothing within my MIND was familiar. It was a new environment, a very very scaaaaary one. Hmmmmmm........
Only one thing to do under the circumstances.
MOPE (is that how you spell it?). You know sorta like "let's just see how long I can feel sorry for myself", MOPE.
And so I did. But when I went from 100% self hatred to 99% self hatred I arose from Devil's Dip. Threw that doona off (only a little) and went for a walk along the beach. I found some nice sea shells. They were really pretty and I needed some pretty in my life. So then I collected some more the next day, then the next, then the next. I collected thousands over several weeks.
It was during this time that without realizing I was getting healthier with the walks and the fresh air. And with that interest in collecting the shells I was distracted from thinking about my rock bottom blues. Something began to work again. My MIND. I was given a little time off to THINK. THAT was the little speck of LIGHT I have been talking about. Every single dot has that speck. I saw the tiniest little piece of my FUTURE. My pathetic time of self-pity was over. For the first time I began to ask the "Can I?", "What if?", "How can I?" and "Is it possible?" questions. I needed some help to answer those questions, but I was still too fragile to face anybody.
The next day I went to the Library where I have spent most days for the last
3-4 years. Yep. That's a loooong loooong time, no? And I have sweated every single day since. But to do what I am doing, to complete a total re-invention of my very BEING, and to CREATE what I am creating, will take that amount of TIME. But the bad, the sad and the ugly are no longer my room mates in Devil's Dip. After a seemingly lifetime of turnaround time the good stuff is about to happen. I know I keep saying it but I am nothing special. I am a dot, just like you. If you are hurting like I was have faith in yourself and make it out of Devil's Dip. That's the BIIIIG STEP. Grab your dream and hold on to it sooooo tight that you almost choke it into manifesting! And WATCH another dot, just like you, find the real reason for life because........
I once was LOST but now I'm FOUND.............
AMAZING GRACE!
Huh? Wot?
LOST
Uh huh. Yep. In trouble?
Hell yeah. I was gone........ it was the END........ or so I thought.
I wasn't LOST geographically. Nup. I knew 'eggs actly' where the commercial rubbish bin I was sleeping in was situated. But I was LOST........
LOST as far as nothing within my MIND was familiar. It was a new environment, a very very scaaaaary one. Hmmmmmm........
Only one thing to do under the circumstances.
MOPE (is that how you spell it?). You know sorta like "let's just see how long I can feel sorry for myself", MOPE.
And so I did. But when I went from 100% self hatred to 99% self hatred I arose from Devil's Dip. Threw that doona off (only a little) and went for a walk along the beach. I found some nice sea shells. They were really pretty and I needed some pretty in my life. So then I collected some more the next day, then the next, then the next. I collected thousands over several weeks.
It was during this time that without realizing I was getting healthier with the walks and the fresh air. And with that interest in collecting the shells I was distracted from thinking about my rock bottom blues. Something began to work again. My MIND. I was given a little time off to THINK. THAT was the little speck of LIGHT I have been talking about. Every single dot has that speck. I saw the tiniest little piece of my FUTURE. My pathetic time of self-pity was over. For the first time I began to ask the "Can I?", "What if?", "How can I?" and "Is it possible?" questions. I needed some help to answer those questions, but I was still too fragile to face anybody.
The next day I went to the Library where I have spent most days for the last
3-4 years. Yep. That's a loooong loooong time, no? And I have sweated every single day since. But to do what I am doing, to complete a total re-invention of my very BEING, and to CREATE what I am creating, will take that amount of TIME. But the bad, the sad and the ugly are no longer my room mates in Devil's Dip. After a seemingly lifetime of turnaround time the good stuff is about to happen. I know I keep saying it but I am nothing special. I am a dot, just like you. If you are hurting like I was have faith in yourself and make it out of Devil's Dip. That's the BIIIIG STEP. Grab your dream and hold on to it sooooo tight that you almost choke it into manifesting! And WATCH another dot, just like you, find the real reason for life because........
I once was LOST but now I'm FOUND.............
AMAZING GRACE!
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