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THE BEAUTY WITHIN

2/28/2013

3 Comments

 
"The purpose of spiritual practice is to fulfill our desire for happiness. We are all equal in wishing to be happy and to overcome our suffering, and I believe that we all share the right to fulfill that aspiration"

                                                                     -    HRH, The Dalai Lama
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....the most beautiful within......
Sometimes we all need to sit back and relax by ourselves, away from family, friends, and busyness. Just sit there and close your eyes and ask "Hey, how are you?" Without thinking about it we ask that question several times a day, especially at work. Of course it is a greeting, usually a throw away line. It's just what you say because they have just walked in to the office after not having seen them since yesterday. But do we really mean what we are asking? "Hey mate how are you?"  as you are continuing to work at the computer. You almost don't even know what you are asking let alone CARE how they are. But that's just our Busyness world, huh? Pretty sad really.
So here we are asking 10, 20, 100 times a day "Hey, how are you". And then you go home to the family......
Kiss, kiss, oh darling could you bath the kids while I get dinner ready? Thankyou sweetheart.
Splash, splash, giggle, giggle, daddy, daddy,
Good night daady. Goodnight sweetheart.
Good night darling. Good night sweetheart.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......
Buzzzzzzz, riiiing,
                                                                             DITTO DAY.
                                                                               REPEAT
                                                                               REPEAT
                                                                               REPEAT
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.....'Hey, how are you?.....
All too familiar, huh?
I did it. Day after day. Year after year.
NOT ONCE in all my pre-crash years did I sit down by myself, relax, no busyness, no television, close my eyes and say "Hey, how are you?"
It may not seem a big deal. It is to me now. I keep writing about other people's stories. Other people's bad stuff. I keep living with other people's bad stuff. But I forget to ask myself how I AM. Then other people's stories drag me down. I keep forgetting that I have to fight like everybody else. I take for granted that I live in a tent. I get cocky with my self-belief. Until it begins to hurt. My thinking becomes blurred. My creativity and writing suffers because my meditation drops off because I have a sore toe, and the rain doesn't stop, and............
Then I have to go back where I don't want to go. I have to go into my past. I have to check my recent EXPERIENCES. Then I ask that question "How ya doin'?' And I know the answer. I'm not doing well at all because I have become complacent. When that happens I will tell you the 'procedure'.......
It's like depression. One particular thing in your life is really "BUGGING" you. It's causing you GRIEF. It's a YUKKY thing and you know you don't like it. So you don't think about it. You hope it will go away. But it doesn't.........
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...BE beautiful....
It builds inside you. It is an infection in your MIND. It begins to eat away at you. And then it brings in the artillery......
The OTHER stuff. The NEGOB is laughing at how pathetic you are, letting your defences down, letting him in to spread his disease. But you are unaware. You are hiding behind that one bad  thing that you don't want to think about.....
By the time you COLLAPSE, rather than relax, and ask yourself THAT question "How the HELL are you? No, reeeeally.....", that one single thing has built itself into a storm that is going to take a lot of work to get over. Just like the tornado that rocked my world a few weeks ago, they are still cleaning up after it!
So what's the solution? Hmmm....

Weeeell, it's like this. Each and every one of us has a BEAUTY WITHIN. Some can find it, some don't look, and others like ME have a lot of trouble believing that they have any beauty within at all. We might be good 'people' people but we are no good with ourselves. And so we have a lot of trouble with the question because our 'picture' of ourselves is blurred. It is a long hard road to find that BEAUTY within. And when 'STUFF' happens we are very very vulnerable. We are not aware. I can be perfectly honest with you all, as I will always be. I have progressed because of my Journey. I no longer feel that I am WORTHLESS because I am continually working on my spiritualism, my religion and my consciousness. I am trying to become aware but I often fall back into the abyss, the darkness. Because I can't find the beauty within (YET!) I struggle. I remain vulnerable. It is why I have progressed from worthless but have not made it to I LIKE YOU. It's why I forget to be aware at all times. Fixing ME is hard. But I will keep going. I will find the BEAUTY WITHIN. And that will be the day I not only LIKE but LOVE ME. That will be the day I find TRUE HAPPINESS.
I know that this world of ours is full of beautiful people who are blessed with a BEAUTY WITHIN and if you are one of those be proud. If not, weeeell.......
..........there is a solution. And it's a very simple one. Instead of asking everyone else how they are, every day you greet them, after you have bathed the kids, eaten dinner, and kissed the special one 'goodnight', BE WITH YOURSELF.....
BE AWARE of YOU and ask the question at the end of EVERY day.....

    ....."Hey, HOW AAAARE YOU?.....No reeeeeally........."
3 Comments

LOST

2/27/2013

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"I was walking around in circles
No direction, no feeling, reclusive
A victim of my mind, all purpose gone
I was lost" 
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Happy Valentines Day dear...
I just got 10 books out at the Library. Most of them are philosophy related. The Mind, the brain, Loss and Grief, the usual sorta stuff I read. There are a couple I have read before but a long time ago. They were pretty good with some helpful information so I update my head every now and then.
But there's another reason. I need to give some people some help so I need to 'refresh' myself. Sometimes I get LOST IN LIFE. I think we all do. Things will be going along fine and then.... WHAMMO..... the brick hits you. If you aren't ready for it then a lotta damage can be done. I spend sooooo much time learning from books and experiencing from homelessness, that I sorta get LOST. I am always trying to CONNECT THE DOTS, relating experiences that can help others to my own plight. Sometimes that works against me. I forget that I am a REAL person. I forget that I am not outta the woods yet myself, living in the bush and sleeping in a tent. But after doing it for soooo long, like anything, I become complacent. I can't see the forest for the trees. I become mechanical. The APATHY NEGOB moves in. Then....OUCH, that hurt......the brick hits me!
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....lovely Lovey Dovies....
I keep writing about life, and death as if it were a topic assigned to somebody else. I forget sometimes that I MYSELF was born and that I MYSELF am dying (tick,tick,tick....).
The brick this time is a family I know who have three cancers happening. That is, three family members have different cancers. They are all terminal. One short  term, two later. There's a lot more to the story but it's pretty upsetting to see people close to you going through very hard times. It brings you back to stark naked reality. It's the brick that hits you.
But you know what else it does to me? It confirms that what I am doing is the right thing to do. My new network, DotsHQ, is designed to give all of us the opportunity to share our LOVE, in good and bad times. It will CONNECT us when we need to be connected. It will prevent the APATHY NEGOB from throwing the brick. It means that sometimes I will walk around in circles, no direction, no feeling, reclusive.........
But it's the curve ball that life throws at us. The complacency curve ball. The apathy curve ball. But those balls teach us life lessons. Those lessons are to WATCH OUT for them. Otherwise they're gunna hit us like that brick........
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..... they're all LOST !....
I see a lot of people everyday at the Library, and in the street, and on the bus if I catch one or while I'm walking. We all see lots of other people every day. Sometimes I look at their faces just to see if they look happy, or sad, or hurried or mad. It's interesting also to try and figure out what EACH person is THINKING. You can usually figure out through their body language and facial expressions. I do it every day. It makes me smile when I notice that soooo many people don't seem to know where they are, or indeed where they are going. They certainly don't seem to know WHO they are. There are a whole lotta dots out there that seem to be...........

                                                   .........LOST.........
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ANGELS

2/26/2013

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"Somewhere in a winter night
The Angels begin their flight
Dark skies with miles to go
No footsteps to be lost in snow
They fly to you 
oh new born King
They fly to you 
Oh Angels sing

One is Sorrow
One is Peace
One will come
to give you sleep
One is Comfort
One is Grief
One will take 
the tears you weep"

           -            Enya, Lyrics to her beautiful song "Journey Of The Angels"
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.....an Angel smiles....
Do you like Angels dot? I just love 'em. I love everything about Angels. There are books and books about Angels in my Library and I think I've read every one. I find them fascinating.
Huh? Why?
Well because they create a perception of what you want them to be. I think most people think of an Angel as white. Radiant white. With beautiful white wings. And piercing eyes looking down on me with that smile. Oh yeah baby. THAT smile. Every Angel has THAT smile when I look. You don't have to say anything really. THAT smile says it all for me......
A lot of my boy mates think Angels are a figment of my imagination. And you know what dot, that's 'eggs actly' what they are. Except they are real, every one of them. I told my best mate about Angels and he laughed at me. He thinks I've suffered a bit too long. He asked me where I had seen these Angels. He asked if I had seen them in a zoo, or a circus, or even held captive in a Church! Yeah right, mate, reeeeally fuuuuneee.......mate.
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He asked me what they did when I saw them and then he tried to be funny again and asked how they fly. Do they flutter their wings like birds? Do they go really high in the sky? Do they talk.... and walk?
When you see the next one could I take a photo?
Hmmmm......
Like in yesterday's BLOG thingie, it all comes down to BELIEF. ANGELS ARE a figment of my imagination and I WANT them to be there...... FOREVER. See, it's my imagination that gives me INSIGHT. My insight drives my CREATIVITY. My creativity is my VISION. My vision is a part of my DREAM. My dream has come true through my WORKING BACKWARDS strategy.
Everybody should have Angels. You all know what they do. You all know what their role is. Yep. Your ANGEL is here to WATCH OVER YOU. Pretty nice when you think about it. It would be a shame if we didn't BELIEVE in Angels. It would be sad to think that we don't have someone to SMILE and watch over us. A beautiful white winged smile of love and peace. Who wouldn't want that in their life?
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.....cute, huh?......
When Mums nurse their new born child have you ever noticed how they look down at their little bundle of happiness with this beautiful radiant smile. The look of complete contentment. Their meaning of life. That look, that smile, at their bundle of joy says a lot of things. It says "I love you". It says "You are ME and I am YOU forever". It says "I will never give you anything but my complete love and devotion". It says "I will protect you always". It says this child IS my life. It says "L-O-V-E" to the child a trillion times.
If I didn't have my ANGELS I wouldn't be talking to you now. It's like they are sitting next to me watching the screen, telling me what to say. My Angels are my 'ghost' that I talk about so often. My Angels are my consciousness. My Angels are my soul. My Angels are my MIND.
So if you've had a bad day, or things aren't going so well, lie down and close your eyes. If you BELIEVE, and if you WANT somebody to WATCH OVER YOU, then you will see...........
                                                           .....THAT SMILE.....
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THE BEGINNING AT THE END

2/25/2013

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"Oh please Mummy dearest can we go on a trip
A mystical adventure together, meet new people
Learn new things, and sight see
Perhaps a once in a lifetime cruise on a ship

Or maybe a flight of fantasy, on a plane, in the sky
Together see new counties, to a place we all love
We can dance and sing and giggle, like we used to at home
Oh please Mummy dearest, book the flight, I feel so alone

Or we could even go camping, sleep in a tent for a while
We could tell funny stories, share our dreams.... and a smile
In the day we'd go fishing, play cards, tell secrets and stuff
Oh please Mummy dearest let's have fun in the rough

I can see  you are sleeping and you cannot wake up
But I know you can hear me, and on my trip you will come
For the love that you gave me will never run dry
Oh please Mummy dearest, take me with you I cry"


-        TriggerDot
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....just starting out....
What actually will happen to us at the end of our lives? 
Yep, one of THOSE questions. Been asked a few times I guess. And the answer is that there is no answer. The question isn't ours to answer when you think about it. It's the same sort of question like 'why were we born, what is the meaning of life, how did we get here' and lots of other 'life' questions. But this question isn't about life. It's about death. That taboo subject I shouldn't be talkin' about. DEATH. Yuk. Depressing, huh? Why talk about something sad? Pretty sadistic really. Hmmmm....
Weeell, depends who's asking the question really. Who it is. How much they have learned. How much they have lived. Lotsa stuff. It depends on OUTLOOK. And it depends on BELIEF. Oh yeah, it depends big time in what you WANT to believe, and what you condition yourself to believe. And it depends on EXPERIENCES that you have during your own life. The experiences that teach you, that prepare you, that guide you....... 
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......the END...... a NEW BEGINNING......
See, Mummy dearest in the poem is my Mum Ruby who died when I was 15. I could not have written that poem without my 'ghost' to help me. The 'ghost' is my feelings, my emotions and my experiences. Not just about missing her but about all of my emotions which are running rampant at the moment. I can write that stuff because I think about things in life. Things that matter. Things that I NEED to share with you, to help me. To help you. Because there are a lot of experiences that I have had which you haven't. And that's because I am blessed with a gift. A gift I must share with you all because it will help you.
See that little kid, or big kid, or husband, or father, or friend wants to be with Mummy dearest, as anyone who has loved, or been loved would expect. But that is a very difficult process in life. To FACE DEATH, either someone else's or your own. It depends whether you have had good teachers. It depends whether you have had life experiences to SHOW you how to deal with the face of death. Because in fact death doesn't have to be mournful, or scaaaary.
"I was born and I will die. In between is the reason why". It's my poem. My mantra. 'In between' is the trip. The life journey. Like everything it has a beginning..... and an END. None of us were scared about being BORN because we were too little to know any different. Or were we? Maybe we were scaaaared to be BORN. The other thing to question is whether we are real. Is life real? Makes me sound like a bozo but if you learn about spirituality and the mystics, the sages, the different religious beliefs and the reasons for them, it helps prepare you. BIG TIME. Let me try to explain it in very simple terms.
I am going to die soon. So is everybody reading this. Just depends when 'soon' is. As soon as you are born you begin to die. Tick, tick, tick....... OhK.
I have a choice. Like some I could be morbid and believe that death is the END. Finito. Now THAT would be scaaaaary, depressing, and downright sad. Just a big black dark hole. Nothingness. Void. The abyss. Oh YUK!

The other choice is to BELIEVE in a place that will be more than any mortal can comprehend. A place of mystical beauty and love. The place where Mummy dearest wants me to go on the trip with her. The fare's been paid and the journey must be made. So I look forward to.......

                          ......THE BEGINNING.....AT THE END........
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TO DIE FOR

2/24/2013

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"I live I love I listen I learn
I see a beauty enriched in life
A beauty, a gift eternal, 
far beyond a death
A lesson in life....... only time will turn"

                                                    Moi
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.....ouch.....
Did I tell you I cut my toe pretty badly on Saturday. The beach has been absolutely trashed with the storms and the wind. Now when you walk down the beach path to the actual beach there is about a 12 foot drop to the sand. Hmmm.... No problem for a bush banger. Just jump. I did. Landed safely. Went for a swim. Cooool bananas. Did a little bit of meditation and praying for a friend who has problems and then...... oh oh. Aaarrggmm, 'scuse me MSOT but how do I get back up? Aaah haar. Bit of creative emergency rescue type thingie was needed.. The bush path fence had collapsed on to the beach. A piece of nice pine wood with wire attached . Ohk. Bit of pushing and shoving and whingeing and whineing and voila! Ready made ladder. Weeell sorta. The climb up begins. Whoooooooaaaa.... Aaarrgghh......
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...... beauty enriched.....
Hmmmm....
Well that didn't work. Oh oh. I had fallen off backwards and as I was falling the big toe of the left limb had become attached to the wire and riiiip.....
Lots of blood and ouches later. I hobbled about 500 metres down the beach to where I could get up. Oh well just another day in the life of. I cleaned the wound up to get ready for the talk. It looked pretty nasty. Anyway I finished the talk and finally got back to La Chateau which had undergone another wild weather assault while I was talking. Arrived back to wet blankie and sheets in the dark. Maybe time for me to reconsider my accommodation. D'ya think? If the weather would NOT include rain, flooding, wind cyclones and tornados then everything would be coool.....
But things are beginning to pick up and exposure to my story is growing. Not the time to panic just yet. Anyway the foot is swelling and the toe is black so I'm dropping in to see the doctor this 'avo. If they happen to amputate no doubt I'll be doing a lot of walkin' round and round in circles!
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......the reason why?????
I heard a couple of bad stories about people on the weekend. People I know. People that matter to me. The 'bad stories' was about lives. Real people. Real lives. Not wet blankies and sheets. You know dot, toes get better (I hope!) and bad weather eventually stops (I hope!). Money and food will always come back into your life if you pray hard enough. Things like wet blankies and sheets, and 'stuff' like that are inconveniences. If they happen enough you get used to them and you train your mind to adapt. It works. But when you hear about good people suffering and having difficulty with their lives, MY MIND stuggles to adapt. See life has an END point and it hurts me to hear that END points are getting closer. I get sad. But I manage because I am learning through my own experiences.  I am learning to value MY LIFE but more particularly other people's lives. But one of the greatest lessons that I have learned in the last few years is to use DEATH as a motivating factor in MY LIFE. You have heard me many times talk about "Memento Mori". Yep. I'm LEARNING.
I'm learning that LIFE is.....

                                                     .....TO DIE FOR.....
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TO THE END

2/23/2013

1 Comment

 
"I was born
And I will die
In between
is the reason why"

                                           Triggerdot
Picture
.. let me tell you a story..
I gave a talk to a group of people yesterday. I am very comfortable with my story, which, as you know I am making up as I go along. I am Working Backwards on my Autofuturebiography. A part of the story is the EXPERIENCES that have happened as I battled my way through homelessness, and the people I meet in the homeless world. I don't prepare my speeches. I simply ask how long they want me to talk for and I then know how to structure the talk for maximum interest. It facinates me how interested people are in what I have to say. It also amazes me how many have seen or heard of me through ACA, news.com, and other media. But it makes me very aware of the need to tell stories and to get the message out there. As I say in my presentations I am blessed to be given the experiences. If I can become an inspiration to others then that is just soooo cooool.
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I see this 10 times a day
A good story depends on the content. The content depends on the experiences. When major actors take on roles they will often spend time with the 'real live characters', a la Julia Roberts in Erin Brokovitch (?). Those actors need to BECOME the characters they are playing. Well, see I've BECOME the characters in MY story also. I've become the unemployed father of four whose family has been evicted and they are on the streets. I have become the drug addict who just has to use his pension to buy drugs, otherwise he will become very sick withdrawing from his craving. I am the alcoholic who has given up on life and wants out. I am the mentally challenged troubled soul, suffering paranoid schizophrenia and depression, a gift from birth. I am the businessman who risked too much chasing a dream and lost his family, life and everything he had. I am the battered wife with three kids. I am the mother with four kids and four fathers. I am the thirteen year old girl abandoned by her parents because they didn't understand her. I am a street kid. I am a beggar. I am a Hobo. I AM...............
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......different colours.......
Obviously I am not each and every one of these people. But I am the STORY of each and everyone of them because I BECAME one of them. I walk the walk and talk the talk. Like the actors I am playing a role. A very important one. Because this isn't a fiction story. This is real life. The roles I can play are very REAL people. I'm lucky. I'm not just homeless. I have found other gifts as well through MSOT. I can talk to people. I can write stories. I can tell stories. And I have the stories. The stories of grief. Of loss. Of terrible devastation. I've told you all before, I cry. And I mean it. I'm crying now in fact. And I cried during my talk yesterday, just a bit. I make no apologies because the stories I have in my head MAKE me cry. I'm not a big sook. I'm emotional when I have to talk about the hurt being suffered by people I know. I'm emotional when I have to talk about people who gave up on life. People I live with. And people I love. In my BLOG the other day I said "It's Just Not Fair". It's not. But it's real life. It's what's happening out there in the real world. The stories could be about you. They ARE about ME. I've only just started. And I'm going to tell the world these stories........
                                                      .....TO THE END......
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HEY HO WADD'YA KNOW

2/20/2013

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"Be soft in your practice
Let your method be like a fine silvery stream
not a raging waterfall
Let it take you
It will go its own way
meandering here, trickling there
It will find the grooves, the cracks
the crevices
Just follow it
It will take you"

                                                         -       William Wray. Buddha type dot
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.........blowin' in the wind.......
Hey  I just thought today we'd just hang. See where the wind blows. Go with the flow. Sorta let you know what I'm doin', how I'm feelin'. No pressure to finish a D & M BLOG thingie. Just have a bit of a chin wag. It's nice to sit back every now and then and just.......BE.
It's raining outside....big time. Not good for when I get home to La Chateau Tento. The weather has been pretty bad for the last week or so. Actually since Tornado Take-me-out there hasn't been much of a break. Hardly any sun. I'm losin' my tan which was reeeeally cooool. Anyway I'm lucky I've got that skin type where I just go for a run with my shirt off and next day I'm brown as a berry. Olive skin complexion sorta thingie. 
La Chateau is very sad, probably depressed even. You would be too if the wind and rain were gale force  and just went on day after day. I have rigged it so that it is staying reasonably dry considering. But I am on a slope and it's getting worse with each day. If the rain doesn't stop I think I'll wash into the ocean. Then I'll need a paddle or a little outboard motor or something. Hmmmmm...
Anyway a couple of the support rods on the tent have snapped in the winds and caused a bit of grief. I start slipping down while I am asleep and when I touch the side of the tent the water gets in causing wet blankies and sheets, pillows and stuff. But it's been worse. Bush bangers like me get used to it. Put it down to EXPERIENCE and it's all good for the STORY. 
Picture
......in my head right now.....
I'm still working on the lyrics to my songs. I keep changing them but it only makes them bettererer....erer. I go onto Youtube and watch all the popular artists do their stuff. I giggle all the time. Some of this new hip hop stuff is craaazzeee. Will.I.Am and Pitbull. I mean, seriously, what are they? Pitbull in one of his clips had something like 600 million clicks. I don't think there's that many germs in the world. Oh well..
I'm sitting writing BLOG thingie and listening to Enya's greatest hits. Now that's beautiful relaxing music and she's a gorgeous Catholic Irish girl. Got my heritage has ENYA. My mum was Ruby Mary Kathleen Kelly and her mum Brigitte Ingrid Kelly. Very, veeeery Irish and very veeeery Catholic. Hmmmm.... Hope I can sing like her. Her hit 'Only Time' is on right now. Such a haunting but inspiring ballad and as you know I am right into anything TIME because we all have a lack of it!
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.....YOGA veeeely fuuunneeee...
BFF just dropped in and shouted me lunch. She is sooooo sweet. She comes in with this huuuuge friendly smile and handed me some shorts which her mum went shopping to get for me since I split my two pairs of shorts jumping bush boy fence near La Chateau. We had a good laugh because she went to Yoga classes yesterday with her beautiful daughter. I can just vision the two of them having a giggle at every strange position they got into. It would have been classic comedy wrapped up in a whoooole lotta LOVE! heee heee... (Led Zeppelin song remember?)
I'm creating this really coool song called 'You Are My Mind' (or maybe "Voices"). It should fit in pretty well with the rest of the story. I can use it with film footage of my feature poem re-enactment Mister SomeOne Out-There. I am sooooooo starting to get there on my Journey as the songs are very close to ready and depict various stages of the trip. Should be coool-as when I SEE my vision for the first time. I'm sure it will be one of those surreal WOW moments. I can't wait.

My head is full of emotion at the moment. There are various reasons for that but as I take each step I am starting to realize that this IS going to happen. I always had the vision and the belief but when little freeze frames of 'REALITY' begin to hit you right between the eyes, it is a strange feeling to try and deal with. It sorta takes my breath away when 'stuff' on my Journey through the STEPS begins to MANIFEST, that is, the VISION becomes a reality. Life is a very fuuuunneeee piece of TIME. We all have DREAMS of some sort but most of the time we give them a nice peaceful smile, a hopeful thought, and then move on with our busy lives. It makes those moments of manifestation of a part or parts of your dreams VERY VERY PRECIOUS. 
In fact it's a little slice of heaven.........
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Whoa....nearly STORY TIME....Yikes!
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LOVE stuff

2/19/2013

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"Hatred and bitterness can never cure the disease of fear; only love can do that. Hatred paralyses life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it"
                                                                     Martin Luther King Jr
"True love does not count the cost, it just loves"
"The fruit of faith is love"
"if we really want to love we must learn how to forgive"
                                                              -      Mother Teresa
"All we need is love; love is all we need"
                                                               -      John Lennon
Picture
...no really...it's a drawing, not a photo!
Valentines Day has come and gone, huh? More disappointment, huh? Hey dot, do you ever get confused by all of this LOVE stuff. I mean, it sorta gets to me, maybe 'cause I'm single. I mean I have to be when you think about it. See, I can't really invite anyone back to my place for "coffee" or "dinner" can I? Weeell I 'spose I could but it might be a bit embarassing, don'cha reckon dot? See I've had my share of the love stuff over the years, weeell to be perfectly honest most of it was lust stuff! Really, I mean the intimacy was really cooool, along with the sex and lovemaking but I was just never any good at the other 23 hours and 55 minutes in the day. Then the rock bottom happened and that sorta limited my potential to the other 'fairer' sex I guess. Not that La Chateau Tento isn't pretty coool. I mean it will be tonight because it's so wet and windy but I just don't think anyone is going to want to have a permanent relationship with some HOBO type dot thingie livin' in a tent, even if it is called La Chateau Tento!. Super's gone so not much security. No ensuite could be a problem. No television or sound system isn't so bad because you would have each other to 'snuggle into', if you get the drift. But history proves that 'that' doesn't last for long. And any proud female wouldn't get much of a buzz out of the kitchen facilities as there aren't any. Although BFF did buy me a plastic container to stop the rats from stealing any rations I do have. So materialistically it might seem I don't have a lot to offer.
Not lookin' so good is it? Hmmmm........
Picture
......this should get a few takers.....
Let's see. Any good ra-ra (motivational speaker) will tell you that when you're on the bottom you must look for the positives, have a positive outlook per se. OhK. Right, so, let's look at the positives to outweigh those little negative thingies that might prevent a love opportunity. Hmmm..... let's see....
Got it!
                .....I'm cute as.....
Yep, cute as a button, isn't that the term?
Good lookin'. Weeell sorta maybe kinda. I mean the new skin product I have developed seems to be working. Grey hair seems to have gone. I counted the wrinkles and it's still under a thousand. Skins in pretty good nick for someone nearly dead. I run, and jump (like the dog in John and Betty) when I have to and I exfoliate (don't be disgusting!) with wet sand in the ocean every day. So the bods in reasonable condition. But now for the really good stuff. I have loads and loads of.........
.....................................POTENTIAL........ 
Yep. 
No really. I do. Stop laughing. See I've written book thingie and made up this website all by myself. I can write good poems and I do the BLOG thingie which you are reading. The whole shebang should go feral..... or is that viral? Hmmm......So that should appeal to somebody out there, shouldn't it dot? Huh?
Oh, good idea dot.
"Dear Mister SomeOne Out-There, I need your help right now........"
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..heee heee......they always work......
Anyway I still reckon I'm pretty good value in the LOVE stakes. I'm a romantic at heart. I read 'Wuthering Heights' when I was younger and that's really romantic with Heathcliffe coming home for love and all that. And then of course there's Pretty Woman. Nuh, the film I mean (was there a book?) and my favourite part was when Julia Roberts got the giggles when Richard Gere banged the necklace box on her. Remember dot? I learned a lot from that too.
But the thing I've really learned is that true "LOVE" doesn't mean romance and kissin' and bangin' n stuff. And a house and car aren't absolute necessities, although they do help out a bit. True love means looking out for each other. It means LOVING yourself, which I have trouble with 'cause I don't even like me!
True love means understanding your fellow man. And being kind and caring to each other. I KNOW. LOVE means much more than kissin' and gropin' and grabbin' and bangin'.......
See I've been reading..... LOTS.
I read religious books, spiritual books, and all sorts of books so I reckon I'd be a good catch for any nice lady under 110 years old, although I don't have a car to take her to Church on Sunday.
But don't forget the POTENTIAL. OhK girls. Happy Valentine's Day for next year. Any takers?
Anyone.........
Hello. Dots? Anyone. Desperados. Surely. Must be someone out there......
Girls??????
                                                                        Oh oh

Dear Mister SomeOne Out-There, I need your help right now........
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JUST NOT FAIR

2/17/2013

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"As far as I am concerned, the greatest suffering is to feel alone, unwanted, unloved"

                                                                 -     Mother Teresa

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....smell the life in it....
There's some stuff I gotta get out of my system. That's why the blog yesterday. I live in a tent. My MIND plays tricks on me when I am alone. I can handle just about anything but I cry too much nowadays and I have to try and harden up a bit. I keep things in when I know I need to get them out. So this is my way 'out'. A bit of self-therapy.
I had a friend called Matty. I met him at a Soup Kitchen one Friday night. He was with all of the street kids. They were all drunk but behaving. I kept as far away as I could because my life was bad enough. I didn't want to complicate it by hangin' with negativity in any form.
Then all of a sudden the 'Happy Birthday' song started. Apparently it was Matty's birthday. The Rosies volunteers got a little fairy cake and found a candle, lit it, and wished Matty a happy birthday. Matty was popular with everyone on the streets. The street kids were having a good time. I joined in the celebrations and sang along with them. I hadn't met Matty but a few minutes later this guy got up. He was terribly drunk and staggered. I laughed. I had been in his position before. Matty looked pretty young, mid-thirties or so. He was good looking and had a good bod. 
Matty saw me singing and made a bee line for me. He stuck out his hand to me and said 'thanks mate', I'm Matty'. I'll never forget his smile that night. He went back to the street kids and had fun. 
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....the WHY in the SKY.....
From that night on I became Matty's friend. Although we didn't 'hang' together we had a warm respect for each other. Matty was always drunk, didn't matter what time. He would fall asleep in the garden bed outside the library and see me as I was walking in. No matter what condition he was in he came over to me. He used to make me laugh with his 'stories'. A bit of a ladies man was our Matty, or so he told me. He kept asking me to have a drink with him and his best mate Scotty. They were like 'Tweedledee and Tweedledum'. I never went drinking with them but I wish I had. I used to see them day in day out at the Soup Kitchens. Matty always had a chat. He made me laugh. He had great people skills. He was a magnet to everyone, including the volunteers. I had big plans for him when I got back from the brink myself.
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...see you soon Matty....but not yet...
One day at one of the other Soup Kitchens I saw Matty in line for his food. I went up to him and said jokingly that I was worried about him. He asked why. "You're sober" I said. We both cracked up. After our feed Matty and I sat on the steps outside the Soup Kitchen...... for 2 hours we chatted. He told me he had shifted into a little flat. He was sooooo proud. He also talked about his two kids and his mum and dad. He said it was time for him to straighten out and he was trying. The fact it was the first time I had seen him sober was testimony to that. He was soooo proud that he had a permanent place off the streets, and he asked me to come around and have a swim and a 'cuppa'. I said I would in a few days. I also told him I really wanted him to sober up because I could use his skills in my new business when I got going again, if he could stay sober. We bid farewell and I promised I would come over and see his new 'joint' in a few days...............

......... I was nearly at Church on Sunday morning. It was raining. The phone rang. It was another homeless person that new I was Matty's friend. He told me they had found Matty's body the night before, not in his new dig. Matty had overdosed. It was only two days after I spoke to him. It didn't make sense. But then again nothing does on the streets. I went to mass and I prayed for him. And I cried for him. Matty was ME. Matty was YOU, maybe not now but in another time. He was a great person with a problem. We all have problems.
Matty's good friend Scott lost his only real mate. He had trouble coping. He became very lonely without Matty to drink with. They found his body a few months later. It's........

                                            ......JUST NOT FAIR......

I keep crying. I am now. The streets makes me cry. And I'm going to tell everybody why I cry. Matty was ME. Matty was YOU. Remember his story. Make it mean something.
                                                   R.I.P Scotty
                                                   R.I.P Matty. I miss you......


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NO PLACE LIKE HELL

2/16/2013

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"When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed"

                                                                    -       Mother Teresa
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....we all need LOVE....
When somebody ends up on the street it is not because they are hopeless. In most cases it is because of circumstances that have brought on the misery. Circumstances like losing your job and being without work for a sustained period, particularly in an economic environment unfavourable when it comes to getting another job. Of course no job means no income. If you have no income and plenty of commitments, like kids, you are in biiiiiig trouble. Funny thing is that most people in today's society are only a few pay packets away from disaster. And when you are finally unable to pay the mortgage or the rent the street is a very probable outcome.
I don't take drugs and hardly ever drink alcohol but I have seen the destruction that addictions have on people. I live with them and their stories. If you talk to them they want to quit. Many of them have had stints in rehab. Many of them come from loving and supportive families. But it takes a lot of guts and love and determination to quit. But that's not the hard bit. Staying off them is the hard bit. It is basically a medical condition. Their body craves the drug. The addict will count the number of days till their next pension. It gets so bad that they will be broke two days after hitting up. Those addicts are addicts for a reason. Something has happened to make them that way. They are human beings, just like you and me. They have stories. They can make me cry. And I do, particularly when they become friends..... and then overdose. It hurts. Bad.
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....it hasn't happened to you....YET!
Schizophrenia is a terrible illness. A medical condition. It plays with your head. it tells you lies and makes you do things that you don't mean to do. Then there's Asperger syndrome and OCD. And Dementia. And a million other mental illnesses. Many are born with the illness. Many acquire it through a difficult childhood. You know where they are? Out on the same streets as the druggies, and the alcos, and the other psycho's in space.
Yep, you want a bit of variation on street culture. Come spend a year with me. I'll show you pain and suffering. I'll show you self-pity. I'll show you anger causing violence. I'll show you grief and despair. I'll show you devastation, remorse, anxiety, panic attacks. I'll show you the lonely. And the loneliness. And the NEGATIVITY. I'll show you LOSS. I'll show you death. And suicide.
You see, that's the place I call HOME....
And you know what dot? It's my gift from God. He wanted to show me. To become one with all of these people. Because THEY are YOU and ME. And because he gave me skills to show me how to tell all the others. Believe me.
I'm going to..........
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    Trigger is on his comeback journey, and it's a very BIG one. Like a gripping suspense thriller, watch Trigger's life unfold in front of you.

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