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THE SILOUETTE

2/18/2014

THE SILOUETTE
"It was time.
Time for me to leave
I had been waiting. There was no surprise.
There was only one certainty in life
I was about to find that certainty through my Earthly demise

I still can't work out what my life was about
Learned my lessons through fate causing the pain no doubt
But with eyes wide shut I could see so much more
The opening to eternal light, the closing of a door

With a smile of anticipation I lay waiting, no fear
For my mind was prepared. I shed one single tear
That little drop of destiny down my cheek it rolled
The Angels were calling, the truth now would unfold

My body was done and the light it had come
No ordinary brilliance, the rest of eternity had begun
My Spirit stared in awe at this wondrous energy of light
Breathtaking beauty of belief in faith's fearless flight

With a feeling unrequited this brilliant light of pure love
Into the eternal distance spread these majestic rays from above
But not light as we know it, more a Universal radiance of ONE
Guiding me forward toward the silhouette of love I'd become

And through that light of eternity the silhouette I could see
Was in fact the soul I'd been chasing to transcend the real ME
I now realise the reason for the life left behind
Simply a call of ONE consciousness, a silhouette of my MIND"

-    TriggerDot
    aka Brendan Lauritz
    Copyright 2014 (Remember........ Norman Bates!!!!!)

...... and don't call it stupid Rembandt!

As I lay in the dark next to her I reached for the bottle of Liquid Viagra. Mistakenly I drank from a bottle of Liquid Paper. I ended up with a huge Correction!!!!!
Heee Heee. Aarrhhmm. No it's not a true story. It's another attempt at a joke to lift any sagging Spirits. Weeeelll after my first joke attempt in the last BLOG thingie, the stats (number of 'hits') did the biggest vertical jump ever-erer so I don't know whether that's because of my first ever-erer BLOG thingie joke, or maybe mind boggling poem, or maybe the salubriously sensational story, postcard pictures or what. So I thought I'd have one more (last) crack at being a comedian. Hmmmm ..... No ????? OhK. I'll scrap "stand up comedian' off my bucket list then........ It was never in my dream anyway! ........... Speaking of which.......
As I move closer to the 'dream breaker' I can let you in on a weee widdle bit of what I'm up to. See, I've written this Rock Opera/ Musical sorta thingie. The foundation for the play is based on this dude who sorta stuffs up his life and sorta dreams of doing something else for the rest of his life. Sorta Moi. Something he wants to do. Something that matters. Anyway along the way he meets someone out there who changes his life. The dude's name is Mister Someone Out-There. And around that is built THE STORY for my Rock Opera. It is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo coooooooooooooooooooooool. And the music is quite amazing. And then along with the Rock Opera is a whooole lotta other stuff. And ..... weeell that's all I can tell you just right now. But it is happening and it will happen. It was never not going to happen........
But it is important to understand this. When I wrote my book and then had my story told on National television and every other media thingie while I was living in the tent, I did so with the intention of creating the FOUNDATION for the story about the ability that each and every one of us has to beat the tragedy and hardship odds, the pain and suffering odds that are not only a necessary part of life, but ARE life. The pain and suffering is simply the NEXT STEP of our eternal Journey. And so I made the decision to change. The life lessons had shown me how to survive with NOTHING so that if it took me years to completely re-invent myself then so be it. I was armed with the KNOWLEDGE that no matter what happened while I was STEPping toward my DREAM, I could survive the bad stuff. So my call to "Dear Mister Out-There" for help was only a result of the life lessons, which I like to term "life blessings".........

DREAM...... FUTURE ....... LIFE ....... PAST

As you know my book is titled "Working Backwards, From Miser-ee To Destin-ee To Happy-Me". I had never written anything before. Out of nothing came a book. My MIND at work. Then the creation of the website for marketing purposes. I hated computers but couldn't afford paid help so I did it myself. Then BLOG thingie which, as you read, is still going. Then the poetry came from nowhere. Then for some unknown reason I began putting poetry to music. WHY???????
My MIND had taken over because I had asked it to. I had surrendered myself. Now a hand was guiding me because I needed help and had called out for HEEEELP. I KNEW to WORK BACKWARDS. I left the rest up to whoever it was looking after ME. Then the really spooky part. The VOICE in the tent. TWO WORDS. The name of one of the songs I had created. That was when I knew that I was being guided. No pressure like I had in the Corporate fiasco of a life that had past before me. It didn't matter how long this project, this BIIIIG DREAM, of mine would take....... AS LONG AS I BELIEVED.
I did.......
Just like the book, and the website, and the BLOG thingie, and the poems, and the songs, I now have a complete script for a Rock Opera .........
FROM ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
See, that Mister SomeOne Out-There dude that I had found..... Weeeell he had been knocking inside of ME for my whole life but I wouldn't answer the door until something bad happened. Then when I answered the door he gave me all this stuff and a reason for my life. Part of that reason is to show y'all that you too should answer your door and find out what you really have inside you. I had turned a lot of my poetry into songs. They were all sorta related to my demise and the struggle. But they were not 'connected' in any way that could be of use to me, or so I then thought. But now I have linked them all to make a Rock/Opera. How did I do that? It defies logic. It explains something though. I do not HOPE something will happen. I CREATE. Then I give myself 100% BELIEF which gives me an equation:
100% BELIEF = I KNOW

Looking into my DREAM

If you haven't worked it out yet my MIND is the GUIDING HAND. Before I CREATED the new play I have had to CREATE some other stuff to support what will happen. Simply WORKING BACKWARDS within my DREAM. But the next step is the publicity this STORY will generate. The EXPOSURE that this will CREATE, which I documented in my Book. I KNEW that this time would come. I just didn't know WHEN. Now we are close. I survived the bad stuff, the eeeevil NEGOBS. Now, with my Upper Case ME showing the Lower Case 'me' what life is really about, I can move forward with great anticipation. Exposure was always the 'secret ingredient' in this special recipe of my life.......
The very beginning of my Rock Opera begins with a Narrator (Candy Girl) proclaiming:

"Your life so far is your STORY
Your story is PAST
It cannot be controlled
Your DREAM is your FUTURE
You can control the outcome of your dream
Make your dream your story..............

And with that beginning follows a great Rock Opera/ Musical.
Hmmmm........
'Mazing, huh? The Musical is two halves. First half before Intermission is THE STORY, the second half is THE DREAM. I make the dream become the story eggs actly as I am now doing in real life. The end of the concert is the manifestation of the dream. The DREAM THAT BECOMES THE STORY. Just like is really happening in my life, which just happens to be my story that I keep Stepping toward in my dream. Howzat, you ask? Hmmm..... good question dot.
See to Moi real life goes a bit like this............."

What a pretty dream, huh?

Every one of us is BORN into a dream. It has to be because where we came from is unknown, like some magical fairy tale. We are given some unknown amount of TIME called LIFE. But through our mind's interpretation UNCONSCIOUS world has become CONSCIOUS world. We call ourselves HUMANS and this time of our life is REALITY. So every moment, every second we LIVE forward in this DREAM becomes a STORY.
PRESENT .... FUTURE .... PAST (Repeat for eternity)
Tick Tick Tick. We become conscious of other humans in this big DREAM from birth. We communicate and LEARN stuff from previous life STORIES. We take pictures and videos of our life STORIES. We LIVE THE DREAM. As we live our DREAMS forward into our future, the DREAM becomes our STORY. So we start off with all DREAM and end up with all STORY (all bell in our curve, remember?). Before we started the DREAM of life into our future, our MINDS, which do the THINKING and CREATE the STORY of our lives, are the vehicle for turning the future into past, the dream into the story. It is our MINDS that CONTROL our DESTIN-EE. But the DREAM of LIFE is finite. It ends with our bodily demise. But the never ending question is "When does the DREAM end?" or maybe even "Is there an end to the DREAM?" Hmmmm...... But then all of a sudden there is no more DREAM left. Only STORY. So at that point just before the body gives up it is the end of the DREAM and the end of the STORY. Or is it?
Well, I don't think so. I think the dream keeps going. The body now a silhouette amongst the light of truth. But that's just what I believe through my faith. If you don't BELIEVE in yourself, in God, in the Spirit of eternity, in the silhouette. Weeeeell, I guess it must be pretty scary waiting for the inevitable end of body, no???
Anyway as that great Philosopher Ronnie Rowboat philosophized (maybe sorta kinda!):

Row Row Row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily Merrily Merrily Merrily
LIFE IS BUT A DREAM

KEEP ON ROWING INTO YOUR DREAM

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LAND OF LOST SOULS

2/10/2014

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WISE GUY
"Now knowing the reason for my overall demise
Not learning from life, I was simply unwise
Selfish and greedy I pumped up my ego
To crash was inevitable, a new start up from zero

Oh thank God for the suffering, the grief and the pain
To be blessed with the hardship from which I might gain
Searching for reason beyond self, I will listen and learn
Each tear drop of self pity into the ocean of wisdom will turn

Without experience and knowledge there can be no growth
But to learn from the pain enlightened wisdom your oath
And once attained that wisdom must be shared
With those most in need to show how you cared"

- TriggerDot
aka Brendan Lauritz

I just read my last BLOG thingie which I don't do very often mainly because I get depressed enough without reading my own thoughts on life! But I did notice that I wrote about one of my favourite subjects ...... GETTING DEADED.
Bit sad really. Anyway to get us all in a more cheerful, jovial kinda mood I thought for the first time ever-erer I would begin with a joke. Ready? OhK
Q. Why do deep sea divers always fall backwards into the water?
A. Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat!
Well, I thought it was funny. Hmmm, end of my days as a Comedian, huh? OhK back to the good stuff. Death, Miser-ee, Depression ...... All the stuff you seem to like....... Oh, by the way, keep tuning in! I expect to drastically pervert the course of my Destin-ee in the not too distant future. Oh Oh........
My dear sister gave me a wonderful pressie for Chrissie ('present for Christmas' for normal people!). A short course in Philosophy. And for the man about town who has everything ... N-N-N-Not ... I am pleased to report that I went to my first class a couple of nights ago. I went with an open mind with few expectations other than worrying a little that I may come across as a somewhat loose canon. So I wore my best (and only) pair of jeans, a pair of religious socks (holy) with shoes (as opposed to usual thongs or 'Hippie' bare feet) and a T shirt without holes. I let my rather long locks (of hair) hang naturally just like the rest of me. Getting there early I couldn't find the premises so I sat in the car and waited for the Dalai Lama and Maharishi Yogi lookalikes to guide me in. Hmmmm...... Weeell, that didn't work. So I asked a Street Cleaner for directions, and, being an expert in all thingies rubbish he guided me in like an usher. The building had a sign out the front "Philosophy" but my redefined mind quickly translated that into "Land Of The Lost Souls". I was HOME !!!!!!!

Off to the Land of Lost Souls

Now 5 years living in a tent probably doesn't do one's mental state a whoooole loootta good but I seemed to have come through the experience more 'the sum of all parts' rather than a 'whole', if you get the drift. But the experiences of soup kitchens, drug addicts, alcoholics, ex-cons, bashings, suicides, overdoses, etc., you would think would put me in good stead to 'dig' a course like philosophy, no? And of course I did spend just about every day at the local Library 'knowledging up' because I needed some sort of help to get me outta the mess I was in. So what better way than to have a chat with Einstein, Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, Descartes and all the other givers of wisdom. One would think that I would be able to contribute a little amongst all of weee fellow philosophical hippies. In fact I should fit into 'The Land Of Lost Souls' like a glove on to a cancer searching finger (not that I'm paranoid or anything!). I let my hair down rather than the tied back look so that I would fit in with the enlightened ones. I even considered ripping a few holes in my jeans but as they are the only pair I have, my economic wisdom from previous educational disasters suggested I shouldn't. Anyway as I trundled up the stairs toward Lost Soul Land I was excited to meet my hippie peers. Another sign directed me to 'Philosophy' and there, down the corridor of hope and good will, was Jess, one of the course co-ordinators. It was right then that I became a little concerned. Jess was immaculately dressed and appeared quite normal. Hmmmm..... Disguises like this couldn't fool a learned apprentice philosopher like Moi. After all, 1812 straight days at the Library (paranoid schizophrenia do you think!) had provided sound research about the Church Of Scientology and other cults..... I was well prepared, and guarded. Jess directed me to my seat. A normal one. In a room. Pretty standard one. With a lot of other seated Lost Souls. With a half baked smile I looked around........ A nice lady sat down in the seat next to me. She gave me the cutest smile and asked me if the seat was vacant, introducing herself as 'Milly' in the process. "hi Milly, nice to meet you" I smiled back. Milly. Yeah right. My paranoid philosophical self wondered if every Lost Soul had an alias, and whether a response such as 'Hey, I'm TriggerDot' would light the wik of the loose canon.......

Hmmmm.... I wonder if Socrates squeaked?

I looked around cautiously. You know how you get the feeling that every set of eyes in the room are fixed on your very being. Shakingly strange. Every Lost Soul within view (I dared not look around) looked 'normal'. In fact, it appeared that some were still in their Corporate attire having come straight from work. Yeah right. I was seasoned. A hardened homeless man. I knew.......
Anyway "Squeak" the teacher called us to attention. No Socrates lookalike at all. Hmmm ...., maybe a decoy. Instead an elderly stateswoman that supposedly ooooooozed wisdom. Or so one would expect from a learned "Little Grasshooper'. I saw her lips moving and assumed she was talking. My hearing aid was already on max but nothing as I stretched my neck a few metres forward without the body following. Not a decibel. And yet the others seemed to be comfortably transcending. I was frustrated. This was such an important time in my life. The attainment of wisdom. "Squeak" was seemingly enjoying what she was saying. Now I don't want to appear the successor to Norman Bates but I was feeling cheated. The wisdom was not shared wisdom. I felt like grabbing Squeak's jaw and looking down into her Adam's Apple to see if there were any vibrations. But I stayed calm. I raised a finger (not THE finger!). She politely asked if I had a question. I politely asked if she could whisper a little louder. Squeak apologised and promised to squeak louder.... (I think philosophers squeak because they are all about peace, and calm, and meditation, and quiet .....silent quiet ..... 'zip' quiet!)
And with that I became 'shared'. I was one with everybody else. I even began to feel 'normal', like everybody else. I heard a lot more from Squeak although old habits die hard and I did have to rely on the handouts to 'tweek' the Squeak. And of course I didn't let myself down. I had to ask over a thousand philosophical questions to re-enforce my reputation as the fruitiest loop of the Lost Souls. As expected it was indeed me, and only me, who deserved the title of Lost Soul.......
All of the other Lost Souls, including Squeak, were 'normal'!
Can't wait to share some more wisdom next week in the Land Of The Lost Souls. Hmmm.... I wonder if this Philosophy makes weee Lost Souls intelligent as well as wise.
May the dust of many feathers guide you through the light of euphoric existence and into the eternal fields of Little Grasshopper's memory. Amen.
Squeak.......

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THE BELL CURVE OF LIFE

2/4/2014

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HEADING SOUTH
I think about this trip I'm on
Where I've been and where I'm going
The further on I seem to go
The whole Journey is no doubt slowing

It started off so fast and every part of me worked well
But now each and every part of me creaks and hurts like hell
Quite unfair to tell the truth because age has made me wiser
But one quick peek in the mirror of life sheer horror 'who's that miser?'

So I've been reading lots accumulating heaps of experience and knowledge
But what goods that when the ticker stops and I'm in a box underneath the foliage
It's fair enough to study up, to understand, to become a philosopher of life
But what's the use if I'm all decomposed up, a victim of time's knife

Hmmm what's the answer I ask myself, as death stares me in the face
Age gives me wisdom as I prepare myself to depart with style and grace
But it also gives me wrinkles and makes me groan each time I move
What good is knowledge and wisdom and stuff if I can't get in the groove

A pensive pause as I thought it all through, my demise a surprise will rhyme
I used some mathematics to make 'life' equal 'once upon a time'
And that way one life became a multiple of days and hours, even seconds
So I have a lot more units to play with before the end of my one life beckons

-    TriggerDot
        aka Brendan Lauritz
        aka    SeriouslyNeedingHelp

LIFE in a bell curve. Oh Oh...

Oh Oh.
I'm in one of THOSE moods again. Being silly moods. Sometimes I can't help it. I get to the computer knowing I have to do another BLOG thingie and then I just start writing not even knowing where it is heading, and I start using bad English just like I did then. Hmmmm......
Anyway I've been to the doctor and said 'look Doc, there's nothing I can think of that needs fixing but I'm slipping down the wrong side of the Bell Curve at a million miles an hour so I need you to take some preventative measures to make sure I haven't got anything bad like cancer or heart disease, or anything that's likely to kill me before the next appointment". She laughed. After she composed herself she asked me why I was doing this (fruitcakey???) analysis of myself. Then I told her how old I was. She understood and ordered a blood test, an MRI which I believe will show any deformities to my brain (or if indeed I have one), and she also told me she would be inserting a digit into a very sensitive area of my constitution in search of the world's biggest killer of men (no, not a woman!). I think she said prostate cancer. Anyway.....
But then I started some of my well worn psychobabble into the philosophy of life according to TriggerDot, namely this:-
The Bell Curve is very simple. A very straightforward illustration with a curve mounted over an X and Y axis, a bit like you may see at a Massage Parlour! Anyway the beginning of the X axis is the beginning of life, age nought. Moving along the X axis you will come to the end of the curve, which is in life terms, an average of 80 years or so. Now if you move UP to the top of the curve, along the Y axis you will see that the maximum is eggs actly half way uphill until it turns. This is the panic section of the curve. The Oh Oh area. See gravity takes a hold and begins to pull you back toward where you don't want to go ...... THE END. All of a sudden you realise that the trip uphill wasn't so bad afterall. Couple of marriages, same number of divorces, three bankruptcies, four illegitimate children and living in a tent, eating at the best Soup Kitchens on the planet. Hmmm.... not all that bad really. But then the curve turned and so did life. Oh Oh. And like anything DOWNhill the further DOWN the faster the momentum pickup until the friction burns become seriously uncomfortable.
By the time I did the psycho job on the Doc I don't know whether she thought she should order some tests or an undertaker. Anyway, seemingly I still have a kick left. Even though there are no serious ailments diagnosed...... YET ......, obviously the stress and pressure of the possibility has raised serious concerns with Doc as to my mental health. So as well as reading BLOG thingie, all prayers will be greatly received as I continue my downhill descent ....... So

Don't WORRY be -----

Just to keep this joyous light hearted banter about death, the END and all things downhill going, such poignant mental stimulation obviously beckons the question "Well seeing it's all downhill after 40, what do we have to not look forward to when the curve hits the X axis on the way down? Is there a big crash. A fatal collision?
The answer of course won't surprise any of you. A big YEEEEES to both questions. BIIIIG crash. Huuuuge collision. And yes. FATAL. Deeerh. It has to be. The intersection of the X axis the second time around is where we all become DEADED. The bell curve is perfectly Asymmetrical. Every single dot has a Bell Curve of life. There has been and is over 100 BILLION dots with Bell Curves attached. Every single one of those dots has, or will hit the X axis second time around. No escaping. IT happens. But you know what is fascinating about the Bell Curve of Life. THE SHAPE of the curve. Because that is determined by how long each dot lasts. The 80 year one looks pretty nice. You could wear it as a hat to the Melbourne Cup even. But we are not all so lucky. So what's the answer Mister Smartie At The Party? (talking to myself again!)
Well the answer is that the Bell Curve looks like a helmet most times because there is a beginning and an end. A finite finish. THE END. The ouch factor. The answer is that we all look at life as a body. A finite body. We go to the doctors to get our bodies fixed up so that we can have more curve in our bell. So we can extend our finite body life, as so we should. But what will our curve look like if we keep extending our longevity through better diet, exercise and so on. What will the bell curve look like if the average life goes from 80 to 200 years. Hmmmm.... Well the curve will flatten out somewhat. Make a nice flat hat for the Melbourne Cup instead of that helmet head look!

A dot on a straight line

All that stuff above. It applies to a BODY of life. A FINITE body. One with an END, if that's how you want to draw your Bell Curve. The flatter the curve the better. More years to your curve. But for ME. L'il 'ole MOI?
Nup. Uh Uh. I 'ain't havin' no END. Body can do as it wishes. That's why I go to Doc. She gives me more X axis. But she can't give my body an exemption from the END. So body will END. I know that. But I won't have a Bell Curve. Nup. Uh Uh. I don't want one. Give me a straight line any day. No curves. No Bell. Just a straight line. Mmmm Hmmm. INFINITE. NEVER ENDING. I will not finish. I can't. I am a DOT on my Journey of straight line. I am never ending. I am eternity.
I am a straight line. Huh?
Oh, let's wait for the MRI scan first. But in closing let me explain my craaaaazeeee thoughts. Like this.......
Bodies are a finite gift of life. Given to us for some unknown reason by some unknown power. Controlling that body is a MIND we all share. That MIND is Universal and ONE with us. That MIND tells our body what to do. When to begin. When to end. That MIND is ETERNAL. But it is also PERSONAL right down to our l'il 'ole body. If you BELIEVE, as you must, then you will not END. You will be ME.
I am a straight line
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THE SILOUETTE

LAND OF LOST SOULS

THE BELL CURVE OF LIFE

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