Blog Archives - TriggerDot

TECHO NEGOB

5/31/2013

.... that's me praying for help !!!!

Wooooooops. Sorry. I know the MSOT video isn't working as I would like, a bit like my head. I've been meditating and praying for divine intervention and hope I have a solution before I pop off.

Back soon ........

UPDATE: Hmmmm......
I very confusious! BFF tells me hers is working fine. May just be my computer which I think was manufactured in Medieval times...

DEAR MISTER.......

5/30/2013

......... 5 years down, a lifetime UP.....

There's a reason I've been going on a bit about everybody hurting, a tad down in the mouth so to speak. Some sad things have been happening of late to test me. That's OK. It's 'hurting to learn'. I am aware. I ride the wave....
But I'm leading up to something, or more specifically, SOMEONE. Mmmm Hmmm.....
I'm sure you know who I am talking about, no? His name is Mister SomeOne Out-There. He had been knocking for a long time. From inside ME. That's where MSOT lives. And he lives in YOU as well. One of the big secrets to this life of ours is to find him, before it's too late. Most likely you will find MSOT in Devil's Dip, just after your world collapses. Just after the pain and suffering caused by the LOSS and grief. Just after the tragedy. Or the devastation. Or maybe during the hardship.
I found Mister SomeOne Out-There. I answered the door and he gave me GIFTS that I needed. He gave me opportunity to LEARN FROM HURT. So......

......... still saving for the suit ?.......

I am going to show you a film clip I made over 12 months ago. It is a re-enactment of me in La Chateau Tento 'looking' for "SomeOne" to help me. Indeed it is a recital of my feature poem "Dear Mister SomeOne Out-There". It's pretty embarrassing. I look terrible, but that doesn't matter. Nobody looks their best when suffering. It's amateurish at best but I had trouble getting Steve Spielberg for the day. But what I tried to capture is the "MOMENT", the REALITY of what I was going through. I wasn't going to use the clip for BLOG thingie and, in fact I have other clips depicting the 'event' which I may use in a doco. But what I have said on many occasions is that I will be true to myself, and you. I want you to be AWARE of your inner self, and the strength YOU all have. Our mental giants. Our Spiritual guides. Our very own Messrs Mister SomeOne Out-There. So, for your aaarrgghhmm, wot you say, hmmmm....... interest, have a gig at the Trig in trouble! Enjoy.......

HURTING TO LEARN

5/30/2013

"Living in the present does not mean surrendering our responsibility to correct some things from the past or to plan and make way for the future; in fact it is the ultimate taking of responsibility for both. The only point where God's time - eternity - meets time as we know it, is in the present moment. And in that place of power, both past and future are healed"
- Marianne Williamson, spiritual teacher
"But all the while I was wondering if my clock would stop, I felt inside me somewhere, adjacent to or below the ailing heart, a hungry, thirsty, empty, sore, haunted sensation of being unfinished, random and unattached, as if, even if the heart were working perfectly, there was nothing there for it to run"
- Wallace Stegner, author 'The Spectator Bird'

EVERYBODY HURTS

You know that song from yesterday 'Everybody Hurts', well it should be made our National Anthem and taught in schools, not just the lyrics but the meaning. If they did that then there would be less strife in life. Because I am a little emotionally weak at the moment I am aware of my MIND and the need to CHOOSE my THOUGHTS carefully.
As I am sure you all know, when the heartstrings are being tugged, a little music goes a long way. Especially music with therapeutic overtones like 'Everybody Hurts'. It was the very soul of my inner feelings. I was looking for music on YouTube, more particularly Irish music. I have a very strong Irish heritage (my mum was Ruby Mary Kelly). So I listened to a bit of Bono and U2, some Cranberries but thought Enya would give me what I wanted with her haunting Irish folk. And she sorta did but then I looked at The Corrs and found what I wanted. And the reason I decided to give it to you was for one simple reason.... I didn't want you to feel as lousy as me!

............... SOMETIMES........

When you are emotionally strangling yourself, resistance is low, along with your awareness, and there is a much greater chance you will CHOOSE the wrong THOUGHTS. For example people say stuff and give opinions that make you doubt yourself. The intensity of your BELIEF in yourself diminishes somewhat. You stop STEPping for a bit while you self-sympathise. You STOP moving forward. This is a crucial point. Sometimes a crisis point. To use a well worn catch phrase that I detest but still use "It's where the going gets tough and the tough get going". Eeeeer yuk! But these are defining moments on your very personal Journey. You are an invited guest on MY very personal Journey. I MUST share my feelings with you so that if things are tough for you as well then you will KNOW....

                        ...... NO NO NO........ YOU ARE NOT ALONE........

            I HURT. YOU HURT. HE HURTS. SHE HURTS. WE HURT.
                                 ........EVERYBODY HURTS......

...... no no no ..... YOU ARE NOT ALONE

I don't need to tell you that you are hurting. You already KNOW that yourself if indeed you are hurting. I am just here to make you AWARE. To make you feel better and pick a couple of GOOD CHOICES to bring you back. To show you that I HURT, just like you, if you are. And to SHOW you that there is SomeOne Out-There. To share with you that no, no, no, you are not alone and that I am proof that things will improve.... in time. I hope you are NOT HURTING. I sincerely hope that you are seriously HAPPY. But stay on the Journey with me. See it's a JOURNEY TO LEARN, to make you AWARE for later because, like ME, right here, right now.......

........EVERYBODY HURTS..........
.... Sometimes.....

EVERYBODY HURTS

5/28/2013

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you think you've had enough of this life
Well hang on

Don't let yourself go
Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
(When your day is night alone)
Hold on, hold on
(If you feel like letting go)
Hold on
If you sure you've had too much of this life
Well hang on

Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts

Don't throw your hand
Oh, no
Don't throw your hand
When you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you're not alone

If you're on your own
In this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
Of this life
To hang on

Well, everybody hurts
Sometimes, everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

And everybody hurts
Sometimes

So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
(Everybody hurts
You are not alone)

....... THE FACE OF TIME.......

When you feel you are alone....

NO
NO
NO

....... YOU ARE NOT ALONE.......

You think it's the end of the world. You don't want to talk. You get into Devil's Dip and think of surrendering. You are the only one in the world that can feel this bad. 'Just how will I do it, that's all I need to think about? 'Devil's Dip in the town of Miser-ee. The last place, or so you think. You don't want help. You want to hide under that doona. Just leeeeave me ALONE. I wanna be ALONE. I wanna finish. I wanna exit this life for a better one.............'
I KNOW your feeling. I've lived where you are, part of the homeless that receives the complimentary label of 'hopeless' as well. But I want to share something with you that you are having trouble believing. It will get better. Mmmm Hmmmm........ And it will get a lot better a lot faster if you play that song over and over and then deliberately CHOOSE a couple of GOOD THOUGHTS. Mmmmm Hmmmmm....... CHOOSE to get better. Look for SomeOne Out-There. You know his name. He/She lives in you.
I know........ as they say "bin there done that".
I've got a poem for you in the next few days so hang in there. It will show you that I was like you. In fact I WAS you. I still am. I am a dot. Same as you. I hurt just like you but I'm feeling better. Not much. It takes a while and it hurts. Everybody hurts..... sometimes. And you will hurt other people while you are being hurt. I know....... BUT I ALSO KNOW........

...... YOU ARE NOT ALONE .......

MY TICK TICK TICK-ER

5/27/2013

OH WHY
"I can't shake this feeling of sadness within
Oh why is this life of mine so trying, so grim
I pray and meditate and keep my soul nourished
Oh why am I tortured,so severely punished

My mind is so active, all over the place
Oh why am I hurting so, these problems I face
keep pushing me further into the darkness, the abyss
Oh why won't you help me , show me light, share the bliss

I know you are in there, you keep knocking inside
Oh why play with my feelings, keep hurting my pride
When all that matters is the ending, to determine my fate
Oh why be so negative, you are not thinking straight

And so I continue my Journey, one step at a time
Oh why does it take so long , this project of mine
I struggle, I suffer as my mind shoots thoughts in the air
Oh why don't you help me, Mister SomeOne Out-There"
- Pensive TriggerDot
aka Brendan Lauritz

A 3600 second glass.......

Woooops. Sorry guys for being absent for a while but I've been sorta busy. Another FUNeral. Pretty sad as they all are. It's not really a creative environment for writing but anyway...... life still continues for every single dot. TIME doesn't stop ticking it's way to wherever it is going, to 'infinity and beyond' as Buzz would tell us.
My writing and poems are probably an indication that I have a few problems. Recently life has been getting me a bit 'down', a bit 'morbid' even. It is translated by my feelings within. Feeling down, write down. Feeling good, write good. I'm not sure if that's the way it goes for other writers but it sure gets me that way. I'm proud of that in a way because I am being true to myself. Being true to you, my readers. It is soooooo important to me that you understand FEELINGS, MY feelings. And there is a reason for that. If I can put on paper my own personal feelings of all that life can throw at me, if I can SHARE the emotional rollercoaster highlights as I continue on my Journey, then my intention is that YOU will relate to some of my feelings and it will help you. That you will GAIN particularly from my PAIN. I am my very own personal support network. I battle my demons, my NEGOBS, but I am blessed to be able to SHARE some emotions with you, to help YOU understand how I feel. And by doing that I help ME understand how YOU feel. They call it EMPATHY. I call it NEEDSEARCH. It is part of my "GIVING BACK". I can't give you help with money ........ YET ....... (but I will with DotsHQ!) .... and so I will try to help this way........

....except if karma comes into play.....

So how long is TIME going to give me???? Hmmmm........
A question I am sure you would like to know the answer to as well. If you did know how long you have of this very personal life would you continue to live the way you do every other day?
Let me give you an example, a very personal one. A sharing from my soul. I cannot KNOW how long I will live. Nor can you. But there are indicators, particularly hereditary. How long your family lived before you is an indicator. I expect from my own bit of NEEDSEARCH that I have maybe 4000 days, around 11 years based on my family history. Could be less, maybe a lot less. It makes me AWARE of ME.......
So I've done a pretty good job of mucking up the last 15,000 days or so. That's a given. And I can tell you with some certainty that I don't have another 15,000 days, or if I do I will be one very scaaaaary lookin' dude when I ferment! But TIME is catching up with my LIFE. Soon my LIFE will have no TIME. Weeeell, not this human being life existence stuff. Is there something else? Does TIME keep going? Yep, I think it does but in what form I don't know. And so I have to do better. I have a lot less than what I have used up..... days of life that is! So now I MUST think more about my 4000 days and how I am going to use them. It's not just about ME anymore.

....ONE DAY....... MOI ????

I am now very aware of my MIND and the THOUGHTS that I choose. I am also very aware of TIME. I wish someone out there had made me aware a long TIME ago. I would have lived a different life. I would have been a different ME, a better ME, someone I would have liked much better-erer. But I still have TIME. I am AWARE of that. And so the THOUGHTS that I am now CHOOSING are defining a new ME, the one I WANT to BE.
So what will I do with my 4000 days? Hmmmm....... Well I really started them quite a few days ago, so I could cheat and sorta add on a few 'credits' at the end and still begin with 4000 days. Let's not count yesterday either. Yesterday was my brother's FUNeral. I have no intention or desire to become 'experienced' in funerals but it seems to be the case as I get older and so does everybody else. It's sad, very sad, to lose someone in your family or a close friend. It hurts. And it causes grief which can go on causing pain for the rest of life. I really don't want to appear like the Grim Reaper but death is REALITY. If you are not yet born (in which case you are probably not reading this!!!!) then there is no certainty of being born. That is not up to you or I. But once you are BORN there is one certainty in your short life. Nobody escapes it. We all will die.......
So rather than wait until someone close in your life dies, or wait until you have a near death experience why don't you find that nice little calm, peaceful place of reverie, close your eyes and THINK about HOW MUCH TIME YOU BELIEVE YOU MAY HAVE LEFT. Then work it out in DAYS, even MINUTES or maybe even SECONDS. Whichever denomination it isn't much. So make the most of it. Choose NOW to DO what you believe you can do because............

.........TICK, TICK, TICK...........

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF TIME

5/23/2013

DAY
"There is an emptiness in my soul this morning
Something or someone trying to send me a warning
My vision is blurred, a strange feeling within
Interrupted sleep, a bad way for the day to begin

It's early, and cold, a crisp chill in the air
letting me know that the day doesn't care
how I feel, it has no interest in life
nor the emotional turmoil nasty day will reveal

Day no longer dark, I peer outside and notice some light
A sign that the day is beginning it's flight
of fantasy, not knowing the road or the course it will take
But opening up, like a rose, unknown beauty ahead, and decisions to make

I begin to panic, life is beginning again
What will day bring to life, which direction will it take
A story, a poem, a song, some kind of new Nursery Rhyme
Oh dear, I'm so excited, so much to achieve, and so little time
But I yawn, my eyes still heavy, the river of destiny runs deep
It's too early says day, go back to bed and catch up
On some more....... interrupted sleep!"
- Tired TriggerDot
aka Brendan Lauritz

Next LIFE ME ????

You will have heard people who have cheated death say "Live each day as if it is your last". Those that have actually died and been brought back have that EXPERIENCE to share with the world. There aren't too many who have been in their position, and not really a position too many would want to be in. Getting deaded, even for a few minutes, is a moment in time, a very scaaary moment in TIME. Some people who have survived the experience and to live another day have recounted their TIME in the dark. And there are a lot of different interpretations of the short time 'on the other side'. There's the Angels, all ready to take the new arrival to the new destination. Then there's the stories of LIGHT, a light so radiant and beautiful it has been spoken of through the Eastern civilizations for millenia. And then there are those that say there is nothing, like Kerry Packer, who was 'lost' for a few minutes but came back to keep us all entertained for a few more years.

another DAY in TIME.....

The story of TIME is man made, a system we use to put a quantitative measure on existence, according to our own man made definition. The question of course is does TIME end with our end. Personally I think not but that is simply my opinion. Unfortunately our mere mortal interpretation of TIME can only comprehend what our own consciousness, our own MIND, can interpret according to the 'Giants' before us have taught. The rest is left up to our FAITH. Believe as you will. But each day we wake up and go about our structured, routine existence knowing that we have 24 man made hours which we can dissect down to man made hours and seconds, albeit a pointless exercise. But the TIME that we dissect down is finite according to our own man made world. But DAYS are our accepted measure of existence between our routine busYness and sleepy nigh nigh TIME. In Day TIME we can hope to get about 30,000 days of fun packed emotional turmoil in our average lives of 80 years. So.........

....... tick, tick, tick.....

Some of our singular days will be fun, some will be stressful, some will be full of happiness, some full of remorse, some full of sadness, along with a million other emotions we are to EXPERIENCE in our short lives. We live our lives within our limited life TIME. From the TIME we are born the days diminish along with all of the other man made time measurement indicators. But each DAY between our sleeps we are given an opportunity to rejoice the TIME gifted to each and every one of us. The 7 billion dots living a day at a time, along with the one hundred billion dots who have lived and gone before us and who have completed their TIME according to man. So all we need to do is to THINK about each and every DAY we are gifted........ And be thankful for the opportunities we are blessed with...... The opportunity to live each DAY in our LIFE of TIME.......

REGRETS, I'VE HAD 'EM TOO

5/23/2013

"Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way"
- Lyrics from "I Did It My Way" song, Frank Sinatra

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes—and ships—and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages—and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
-- Through the Looking-Glass, Lewis Carroll

...sing it Frankie baaaabie......

Regrets...........
Maaan oh maaan, I know well,
they tug at the very soul strings of your heart.
In fact they're pulling mine apart.
Why did I? Why didn't I? Those WHY WORDS I was talkin' about. Regrets are a direct result of past mistakes. You can also have regrets because of failure to achieve in your life, which, I suppose, is a mistake anyway. Regrets have the potential to haunt you to your grave if you are not careful, if you are not aware. Regrets can be naughty NEGOBS, the NEGativity dragging you down from the feelings of guilt caused by the OBStacle, your past mistake(s). Indeed, regrets can be one of the most difficult negative emotions one can deal with. And nobody, I mean nobody, can escape them for they are a part of our life experiences. Right now I am suffering regret. I mucked up in the PAST. Lots. I know I have done things wrong and I have set myself a course to try and right my wrongs. But I ran out of time in some areas. I deserve to suffer. I need to beat myself up emotionally. But more than anything I need to learn......

.... It' all coooool baabee.......

But some life lessons are tough.They don't come with second chances attached to them. They make you deny. They make me cry. They make us all wonder why.
The regrets NEGOBS can beat you up bad, and sometimes the belting is justified. Sometimes you have to cop a reminder of your poor PAST form to move forward. Sometimes you need the pain to reinforce the life lesson's aim. You need to be reminded that you can't just go around making mistakes at the expense of other people and then use the lame excuse that it is PAST news. Sometimes you need to apologize. And then apologize again. And then again. and again.You need to be accountable for your past actions. You need to regret. You MUST HURT. But then......

"Here I am
Here I be
Here I try to live with ME"
- Moi

REGRETS, she's had 'em too.....

Once you have consulted your MIND and accepted the right CHOICES from the big ray gun of THOUGHTS, you need to LET GO so that you can move forward again. If you keep dwelling on what is haunting you from the PAST you will not be able to move forward with confidence. But if you have made peace with your CONSCIENCE and anyone you have hurt along the way, then you will put yourself in a strong position to demolish the demons of days gone by.........
Then you will be able to FIX what you have FAARKED, just like I am trying to do.
Or so the story goes........

WHY WORDS

5/21/2013

"What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish for. You become what you believe"
                                                        -    Oprah
"We're all divine, but I was the only one who had the nerve to call myself that. And I thought of it first. So there!"
                                                        -    Bette Midler, the Divine Miss M
"The more you focus on words that uplift you, the more you embody the ideas contained in those words. So savor them. Share them. And whenever you need a pick-me-up or a bolt of inspiration, return to them"
                                                        -    Oprah
"We become what we think about all day long"
                                                        -    Ralph Waldo Emerson

.... Lotsa words of wisdom...

You will have noticed that I use a lot of Oprah Winfrey's quotes at the beginning of BLOG thingie. That's because she has done a lot of the hard work for me. See, like me, she wants to help people. Like me, she wants to inspire people through sourcing people of inspiration. Like me, she loves words, more particularly words of inspiration. Like me, Oprah is a book fanatic. Unlike me she is very rich and mega powerful. She has become that way through her commitment to the other stuff I mentioned.
But I am also sure that Oprah will be the first to admit what I have been saying from the beginning. Oprah is a dot. Just the same as ME. Just the same as YOU. Oprah has one life. So do I. So do YOU. Oprah was born. Just like ME. Just like YOU. Oprah will die. Just like ME. Just the same as YOU.
I have told you about the network that I have designed DotsHQ. It is a HELP site. It uses our technological accomplishments and then goes back to grass roots to see what we all NEED. It treats every single one of weee 7 billion plus human beings THE SAME from Bill Gates, Pope Francis, Barrack Obama down to the poor but gorgeous little starving Ethiopian boy who is a dot, same as the others........
"Nanos Gigantium Humeris Insidentes" is a well worn catch phrase I use. It means "standing on the shoulders of giants", using the knowledge of the Google Boys, Mark Zuk at facebook, Jeff Bezos and the rest. They have laid the foundation to maximise the HELP we need to GIVE EACH OTHER. We all NEED to know. We all should inspire. We all need to SHARE OUR GIFTS with each other. And so I will do it. But I have NEGOBS to resist, right here, right now. And I will.

The WORDS of EXPERIENCE.....

Before I launch DotsHQ I have to build my communication with you. I am doing that now. Using BLOG thingie. Using WORDS. Sharing my EXPERIENCES with you so you will KNOW about homeless living. I don't want you to be homeless but I want you to KNOW everything that will BENEFIT you from my EXPERIENCE because, weeeelll, you NEED to KNOW. There are lots of stories that I have shared and will continue to share. It is my Journey and I want you along for the ride, because by SHARING MY EXPERIENCES you will become AWARE without suffering the pain yourself. That is what my charter is before I die. I am a dot. Just like you. So..........

Some WORDS for you..... with LOVE

Just as you all have your own blessed gifts locked up inside you, I am now using the gifts my Mister SomeOne Out-There has given to me. The GIFT of writing. The GIFT of knowledge. The GIFT of sharing. The GIFT of learning how to love. The GIFT of homelessness. So as I confront the NEGOBS trying to take me down right at this moment I get to ask myself a whole lotta new questions about myself. Questions which are helping to define my life, my very being. So I am using the NEGOBS to HELP ME GROW. These questions require answers to make me more AWARE so I can move forward with confidence as I now know how to do. See, the questions contain some critical information that are helping me in my development from homeless living to my Destin-ee. These questions are helping me sort myself out. These questions contain what I call my......

......WHY WORDS ...... ???????

THE PAIN AND THE PASSION

5/21/2013

"Passion - including the manifestations of passion we feel within ourselves and therefore call 'ours' - is not something we can grasp or own but a force of nature, connected to and influenced by things that extend far beyond any puny human self. Finding it isn't like bagging an expensive trinket; it's like leaving comfortable, familiar terrain behind us and throwing ourselves into the sea"
- Martha Beck, life coach
"In life there will be sickness, devastation, heartache. It's a given. But if you look hard enough, you can always find the bright side"
- Rashida Jones, actress

..... GOOD VISION to DESTIN-EE....

I've talked enough about awareness to think that I would be fairly resilient now to the constant threat of those NEGOB thingies trying to wear me down to a mumbling bumbling suicidal psychopathic fruitcake. And I thought I could just laugh in the face of the Miser-ee that the NEGOBS keep trying to penetrate me with.
Uh uh. Mmmm Mmmm. No way. For some reason they are having a mass attack. If they can't get me down with one tragedy, hardship, or other misery maker, then they seem to be doubling up the pain power to sink me once and for all. Of course they can't beat me but they will sure keep having a crack.
So what do I do to stop this insane persecution of my very being?
Do I just sit back, laughing at them?
Do I go back into Devil' Dip for a while and try and beat them with TIME?
Do I surrender, give up, try something else?
Nup.Uh uh. None of the above.......

The PAIN won't break........

I consult my MIND. Mmmm Hmmmm..........
"Hey MIND, this is what's happening at the moment.Woddya reckon I should do, huh? Now MIND is ONE MIND, more powerful than anything in our mortal world. MIND KNOWS what's happening. MIND knows that when things get rough there is a reason for it. MIND will see the reason that the NEGOBS are spending soooo much TIME trying to beat you up, just like the nasty little critters are doing to me. So MIND will look at where I am on my Journey and will see that I have come a long way and that my STEPS forward are working out nicely. MIND will see that the NEGOBS want to inflict some PAIN to distract me, to stop me in my tracks. So.....
MIND will provide some THOUGHTS for me. I will then decide how I am going to move forward by CHOICE, by CHOOSING from the selection of THOUGHTS. Now this is the interesting bit.......
I have to CHOOSE how to deal with these NEGOBS, with the PAIN they are inflicting on me. And so I have to make the right CHOICES. One of the indicators to ensure the right CHOICES is the PASSION you have for your MISSION. I'm sure you know by now how strong my PASSION for this Journey is. I can take distractions and time slips caused by those distractions. But my PASSION will direct me to the right choices. My PASSION is not influenced by ego, other's opinions, greed or any other negative emotion. My PASSION is driven by my VISION, my DESTIN-EE. That is ALL I can see as I move forward. My awareness will prevent the negativity from any obstacles distracting me from completing my Journey. But there will be PAIN along the way. I am experiencing it right now. But it's OK because I am aware of what the NEGOBS are trying to do to me.........

........what your PASSION will create...

Some Journeys are very long, just like Nelson Mandela's life trip. Prison for 27 years was a baaaaad obstacle and brought with it lots of Negativity. It made him doubt himself. It caused severe mental anguish. His health suffered. But there was only one thing on his MIND. He had a VISION more real than reality itself so no matter what happened to him his PASSION would continually help him rise above any PAIN he had to endure. He made the right CHOICES. He lived his DREAM. He always STEPPED one step closer to his DESTIN-EE. His PASSION drove him to his DESTIN-EE, just like my passion is driving me to mine. The vision is my dream which is my destiny. It will manifest because it has......
How?
Well you should be getting it by now.....

IT'S ALL IN THE MIND..........

No FUN in FUNerals

5/19/2013

"A vision, a picture, a dream, a story
A passion, a journey, a direction for glory
One love, one life, one direction for glory
One meaning, one purpose, one glorious story

No vision, no picture, no dream, no story
No passion, no journey, no direction for glory
No love, no life, lost direction to glory
No meaning, no purpose, sad end to the story"
- TriggerDot
aka Brendan Lauritz

... the LOVE DOVE is always with you...

It's FUNny that there is FUN in the word FUNERAL, don'tcha think dot? I mean, seriously! Every funeral I go to I promise myself I will never go to another one....... until I go to the next one. I detest funerals.... despise, hate, loathe, and any other word to describe them. It began when I was a teenager. I went to my Mothers funeral. I can't remember much back then, but I remember THAT, my mother's funeral. I remember the people. I remember being a very sad little kid. And I remember the church absolutely packed with people. And I remember the coffin......
After that, funerals seemed to become a very uninvited part of my life. Dad, my big brother who became my second dad, my sister, very special friends and they just kept coming. Funeral after funeral. They just made me sad. They made me cry. And they made me remember. And I just don't WANT to remember those sad occasions. I just want to forget them. It's not disrespectful. Why do I want to remember sadness, and grief, and sorrow? Why do I want to remember sad events? Easy answer. I DON'T..........
But there is a purpose and a reason for funerals. Many people refer to them as a "Celebration Of Life". A nice positive way of describing a very sad, often traumatic event. I don't want to say goodbye to those whom I love. I don't want to look at a box containing the body of somebody that I used to talk with. And laugh. And cry.

... so are the butterflies....

I went to another funeral last Friday. My good friend Red's husband died after a long illness. I thought long and hard about going. I did. Under sufferance. I caught a bus and the bus driver told me the bus went to where the 'funeral street' was. It didn't. I got off and had to walk 4 klms back to where the funeral was and a lot of that was up a steep hill. I wasn't a 'happy camper'. I was late but thankfully so was everyone else. After several anxiety attacks, paranoia freak sessions and with perspiration dripping from the nerves, the walk uphill and the anticipation of joining this 'FUN' event, I settled into the second last row, so that few had noticed my late entrance. I pulled out the smelly spray stuff that BFF had bought me and tried to smother the perspiration odor permeating from my pores. Hmmmmm........ OMG I hate these things! Then a quick look up the front at the bereaved family. Oh, why do I torture myself so??????
But then...... the strangest thing.........
I heard people LAUGHING???? What? OMG, how can this be? Lordy, lordy, lordy. How sadistic. How disrespectful. How.........
Then I noticed something. Up above the altar was some sorta picture show playing. They had put some family photos from the old days up on the wall. And I could see why people were laughing. I had a giggle as well. There were lots of FUNNY PHOTOS.......

....so is your MSOT.......

But then the service began. Oh oh. I shriveled back into my reality. The horror was about to begin. We said a few prayers which was cooooool because I like to pray, and this was certainly an occasion to pray.
BUT then the speakers, the family. Oh oh. .......The FEAR of reliving my PAST shivered up and down my spine. A darkness descended...... well in my MIND anyway.
But then...... another strangest thing......
MORE LAUGHING. The speakers were telling FUNNY STORIES from their HAPPY DAYS. There was a small problem. I didn't hear any of the talks because I am deaf as a post with faraway speakers. But that mattered not. It was a pretty HAPPY service. The congregation was laughing and giggling. Weeeell maybe, sorta, kinda.......
When it was all over and we all went outside I spoke to a few of the family including my friend Red. And you know wot dot?
I had no reason to fear at all. It was all cooooool. Granted it won't make it into the Comedy Company's list of 'greatest ever' episodes but it was FUN in a maybe, sorta, kinda way.
It was another beautiful STEP forward on my Journey. I learned more. I had more fantastic footage for my "EXPERIENCES" folder in my "PAST" portfolio. And afterwards as I trekked another 4 klms to civilization I felt pleased with myself. Not so much because I had made it through another FUNeral relatively unscathed and of relatively sound MIND , but indeed because I made it at all...........
And of course there is a very simple reason for that in the 'big picture scenario' of my Journey.........

..... I CHANGED MY MIND............