"We are born at a given moment, in a given place, and we have, like the best wines, the quality of the year and the seasons which witness our birth"Not just a flower ..... BEAUTY FULL
- C G Jung
"Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared to believe that something inside them was superior to circumstances"
- Bruce Barton
(sounds very ME-ish, huh?)
I had built up a routine living in La Chateau Tento. My MIND was playing tricks with ME. Throwing thoughts my way to CHOOSE. I had accepted my fate..... Tent. Library. Soup kitchens.... Repeat.....
Tent. Library. Soup kitchens. Repeat....
Foremost in my MIND was to COMEBACK. To prove that I could beat the odds. The only variation in my life was the odd cyclone, flood, raid or those damned rats chewing through the tent giving any snakes or creepie crawlies instant access. Where once I could walk the beach and marvel at all of God's creation, I now lost my sight. No vision anymore. Sea shells that I had collected with excitement I no longer looked to find. Flowers were just flowers, not a vision BEAUTY FULL.
I pulled back. Back into the abyss. I wouldn't let anyone get near me. I was a disaster train on the rail to wreckage. Choofing along at a million miles an hour. Alone. Unwanted. Without feeling. Wondering what the afterlife is like. Not worried about it. In fact welcoming it. I lost myself. I'd been existing. That's all. Hmmm....
It's 4.00 o'clock in the morning. I couldn't sleep which is probably because of the 4 years or so living in La Chateau Tento. I just THOUGHT for a long long time. ME keeps me thinking. When I get stuff in my head like the smiling girl it takes me back to my time with ME in the tent and I become those people. I feel their pain. I cry for them because I AM them..... Once you have lived the experience it stays with you. It becomes you. It IS you. You 'GROK' it. What was your future becomes your past. You might have the right attitude and try to move on, which is what I do as best I can. But IT stays........
I really like BLOG thingie. It's my friend that I can talk to without seeing the reaction of a people in front of me. I can speak the way I feel without feeling embarrassed. Or shy.
This Journey that I'm on. It really is amazing. I'm sooooo glad you are with me. Watching. Feeling. Being. It is soooo personal and yet I'm sharing it with you. Pretty craaaazeee, huh? I've got all this stuff inside ME and ME is using BLOG thingie to tell you about it. Makes me smile. It's like I've got this person next to me and I'm getting down and dirty. Unashamed. Telling it like it is. Like I'm on death row the night before, waiting for the Warden to come and take me, so I'm fessing up. No fear. No pride. No ego. Just giving my message because I want BLOG thingie to make your ME THINK.
I write because I feel. Writing conveys my message. That's all. I don't think of myself as a writer. I was just blessed. I was given a gift. I lived in the bush and slept in a tent. For a long long time. It made me THINK. It made me FEEL. And with those two thingies it gave me a STORY to share with you. Writing just helps me talk to you about it. But it's a strange kinda 'blessing'. One I don't want you to live. I'd rather you read my BLOG thingie and find out that way.
And I keep talking about TIME. If you think about it TIME is directly related to our bodies. When the body disappears so does your TIME.
Or so we are led to believe......
Time is my CONSCIOUSNESS. Time is my MIND. Time is my SOUL. If I don't have it I can't take you on my Journey. As long as I have the gift of time, as long as I am blessed, I will SHARE my ME with you. The Journey will take me where I am going into my FUTURE PAST. No maybe. No ifs. So far it has been painstakingly long. But it's getting closer.
I am nothing. But I am everything. 'Eggs actly' like you. I am a dot. You are a dot. There's more than 7 billion of us. Inside you is your ME. Find it. Look for it. Don't wait for disaster or tragedy like I did. Look now.
Hmmm.... Just past 5 o'clock so I might go and play 'toss and turn' again. I think ME wants to read the riot act to me for talking like this.
Oh, by the way, I meant to say it before. When I was in the tent for the last 4 years or so I lost something that I thought was over rated. Something that everyone else seemed to enjoy but I thought was part of my PAST and missing from my FUTURE. Something that I read heaps about in books but thought was just a fairy tale. Something that was missing for a long time. Something that keeps growing inside ME but was never a part of me. Something that makes ME BE. Something I can now put into words. Something that the great man Dr Victor Frankl believed was the reason behind man's search for meaning.........