Put me back in the oven Big Thingies!
Bout, the foetus soon to be Bubba, is distressed. It's upside down and getting a headache fast. It's been spinning around ever since the water bed sprung a leak. Bout has been calling out to Oink (oven incubator), even giving the Oink a good one, two.......but nothing.
Bout has just about given up. It is hearing this terrible screaming which isn't helping it's headache. The only hope it has is the rope. Still attached. Can't fall too far if it ends up somewhere in outer space or wherever all that noise is coming from. Bout is going blue. It realises the rope is around its neck and the alien things are strangling the very breath................
Then just when it looks all over THE LIGHT. Yeeessss, it's true. There is a LIGHT. Radiant light. Beaming rays of light. Light at the end of the tunnel. But time is running out. How can it reach the light and be saved...........
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Bout Bubba in the oven/Oink
Bubba Bout in the open
Oink The Screamer, Dianne TaKnow
Pip The screaming hand holder
Big Thingies The monstrous loud aliens/Doctors Nurses
THE SCENE
The Hospital delivery room. Pandemonium breaks out as Dianne Taknow is in the advanced stage of labour. Screaming yelling abusing which seems quite normal. The doctors and nurses are all giving Dianne beautiful words of encouragement like "PUUUUSH" and "JUST ONE MORE" and "GOOOOD GIRL". Pip is in excrutiating pain as Dianne attempts to break every bone in her hand and it appears there is a competition to see who can scream the loudest and wake the entire Intergalactic neighbourhood...........everyone seems to have forgotten about blue Bout to be a Bubba.............
Oink: Aaaaaaaarrgghhh........
Pip: Aaaaaaarrgghhh.........
Bout: Aaaaaaaarrgghhh.........
Doctor: That's it. Just oooone mooore puuuush....
Oink: (Insane Screaming)
Listen you beady eyed little twirp, why don't you
push for me so I can pull your tongue out your
ars...Aaaaaaaaarrgghhh......
Doctor: Thaaaat's it. Here it comes. Niiice and easy.....
Oink: You faaaarrrker. Your dead, I'll Kill You. Aaaarrggh.
Bout: ....Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us.......hold on
I'm moving. What's that. Oh...oh....oh....hhhheeeeelp
Oink: Aaaaaarrgghh......
Pip: Aaaaaaarrgghh......let goooooo......hhhhheeeeeelp...
Doctor: (calmly) Thaaat's it. Here's the head. Niiice and easy..
Oink: I'll have your head you faaaarka....aaaarrgghh....
Pip: Aaaaarrgghh:........
Bout/Bubba (In shock). Put me back in. What is that insane noise?
Women screaming. Push me back in. Don't like this place.
Doctor: (calmly) Thaaaat's iiit. Now just ooone more BIIIG push..
Thaaaaat's iit........
Oink: (screaming insanely) Thaaaat's it alright. Pip, grab the
motherfaaark......I'm gunna bash 'im......
Pip: Aaaaaaarrgghh.......
Bout/Bubba: Oh oooooooohhhhhh, I'm dead, bye everyone, it's been,
weeeellll....aaaarrgghhhmm....noisy.....hold on I'm, I'm,
oh, I'm moving again, whooaa, whoooooaaaa........
Oink: Aaaaaaaaaaarrgghhhh........
Pip: Aaaaaaaaaaarrgghhhh......., Di...Di...Let go...
DoctorBig Thingie: Thaaaaat's iiiittt.....
Bubba: I'm out. I'm free. The noise has stopped. Maybe I've died
and gone to that Purgatory temporary hot house shelter..
Big Thingie: Congratulations, It's a Boy.....
Bubba: Watchu talkin' 'bout Big Thingie. Where am I? Big
Thingies everywhere. I'm trapped. No escape....
(Bubba is handed to Nurse who smacks on rear)
Bubba: OMG. Big Thingies are attacking me. I've been violated
Quick call an alien and tell them about the Big Thingies
invading and the masochistic rituals. The rope....the rope
can save me....
Big Thingie: Cut the cord...
Bubba: Watchu doin' Big Thingie. Oh No. Not the Rooooope..
(gulp) I'm dead. See y'all in Bubba Heaven........
Bout has just about given up. It is hearing this terrible screaming which isn't helping it's headache. The only hope it has is the rope. Still attached. Can't fall too far if it ends up somewhere in outer space or wherever all that noise is coming from. Bout is going blue. It realises the rope is around its neck and the alien things are strangling the very breath................
Then just when it looks all over THE LIGHT. Yeeessss, it's true. There is a LIGHT. Radiant light. Beaming rays of light. Light at the end of the tunnel. But time is running out. How can it reach the light and be saved...........
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Bout Bubba in the oven/Oink
Bubba Bout in the open
Oink The Screamer, Dianne TaKnow
Pip The screaming hand holder
Big Thingies The monstrous loud aliens/Doctors Nurses
THE SCENE
The Hospital delivery room. Pandemonium breaks out as Dianne Taknow is in the advanced stage of labour. Screaming yelling abusing which seems quite normal. The doctors and nurses are all giving Dianne beautiful words of encouragement like "PUUUUSH" and "JUST ONE MORE" and "GOOOOD GIRL". Pip is in excrutiating pain as Dianne attempts to break every bone in her hand and it appears there is a competition to see who can scream the loudest and wake the entire Intergalactic neighbourhood...........everyone seems to have forgotten about blue Bout to be a Bubba.............
Oink: Aaaaaaaarrgghhh........
Pip: Aaaaaaarrgghhh.........
Bout: Aaaaaaaarrgghhh.........
Doctor: That's it. Just oooone mooore puuuush....
Oink: (Insane Screaming)
Listen you beady eyed little twirp, why don't you
push for me so I can pull your tongue out your
ars...Aaaaaaaaarrgghhh......
Doctor: Thaaaat's it. Here it comes. Niiice and easy.....
Oink: You faaaarrrker. Your dead, I'll Kill You. Aaaarrggh.
Bout: ....Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us.......hold on
I'm moving. What's that. Oh...oh....oh....hhhheeeeelp
Oink: Aaaaaarrgghh......
Pip: Aaaaaaarrgghh......let goooooo......hhhhheeeeeelp...
Doctor: (calmly) Thaaat's it. Here's the head. Niiice and easy..
Oink: I'll have your head you faaaarka....aaaarrgghh....
Pip: Aaaaarrgghh:........
Bout/Bubba (In shock). Put me back in. What is that insane noise?
Women screaming. Push me back in. Don't like this place.
Doctor: (calmly) Thaaaat's iiit. Now just ooone more BIIIG push..
Thaaaaat's iit........
Oink: (screaming insanely) Thaaaat's it alright. Pip, grab the
motherfaaark......I'm gunna bash 'im......
Pip: Aaaaaaarrgghh.......
Bout/Bubba: Oh oooooooohhhhhh, I'm dead, bye everyone, it's been,
weeeellll....aaaarrgghhhmm....noisy.....hold on I'm, I'm,
oh, I'm moving again, whooaa, whoooooaaaa........
Oink: Aaaaaaaaaaarrgghhhh........
Pip: Aaaaaaaaaaarrgghhhh......., Di...Di...Let go...
DoctorBig Thingie: Thaaaaat's iiiittt.....
Bubba: I'm out. I'm free. The noise has stopped. Maybe I've died
and gone to that Purgatory temporary hot house shelter..
Big Thingie: Congratulations, It's a Boy.....
Bubba: Watchu talkin' 'bout Big Thingie. Where am I? Big
Thingies everywhere. I'm trapped. No escape....
(Bubba is handed to Nurse who smacks on rear)
Bubba: OMG. Big Thingies are attacking me. I've been violated
Quick call an alien and tell them about the Big Thingies
invading and the masochistic rituals. The rope....the rope
can save me....
Big Thingie: Cut the cord...
Bubba: Watchu doin' Big Thingie. Oh No. Not the Rooooope..
(gulp) I'm dead. See y'all in Bubba Heaven........
I look asleep don't I? I'm not. I fainted. Either unconscious or dead!
Tomorrow : What's For Dinner
RSS Feed