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WHY ME BE ?

10/19/2014

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THE BE IN ME

Why am I here? Who am I ? Where do I come from ?
Pretty easy questions to answer if you have an opinion
I used to be an ape, or a fish, a rock at some stage
Maybe a frog one kiss turned into a handsome paige

The scientists tell me we all started with a Big Bang
Well no ship Sherlock as Daddy gave Mummy a twang
Obviously Adam and the snake into Eve gave a start
Yeah but where'd the rib come from to make the legs part

Well the rib came from Adam yeah but how'd he appear
That's easy, back to Big Bang, he's made of carbon I hear
Oh I get it now Adam copped an extra carbonated bit
And then Eve was ribbed and the extra bit became a hit

See there wasn't any telly or cars, drugs or grog
Only the two of them and Big Bang, no hair of the dog
And so it was that the human race we now see
Obvious answers to questions how I came to be me

But if I were you I wouldn't get too carried away
with the Big Bang theory how Adam rolled Eve in the hay
There's gotta be more like where'd the carbon come from
That gave Adam the tip to help Eve play along

So if you're struggling with all of the reasons we be
Look no further than a flower or a tree
For Divine beauty is all that there needs to be known
The rest doesn't matter the seed of creation has grown

                                -    Brendan Lauritz
                                -    (Heeeeeeelp..........)
PictureJust amaaazing what a Big Bang can produce !
As you can probably tell I'm a bit down in the dumps at the moment. See I've decided to rework my Rock Opera and it's driving me craaazzeee. So because my head was hurting I needed to try some different type of writing to get the creativity a'crankin' so obviously BLOG thingie came to mind. But trouble with that is when I write BLOG thingie sometimes I get a bit silly, as you probably already know from previous insanity outbursts. Now really I had this other poem already to rock, but then I thought it was a bit boring for down in the dumps day so I went on my usual "mental asylum extracts from a tortured soul" and served up the same old ship. Oh well if I get a smile 'spose it's worth it. Which leads me to the subject material of the Big Bang and associated ship.....
See I went to the Library (yep still do it) and found these two interesting DVD thingies. One called "Wonders Of The Universe" and the other "Wonders of the Solar System". Now because I have become a bit fruit loopy after all the pain and suffering stuff I thought a bit of extra knowledge wouldn't hurt, even though I tort I'd read it all before. But alas NO. Oh this stuff is nerve shattering mind blowing information of a different kind. This no less is up the date (sorry 'up TO date') ship for my "UIB" (useless information book).
Now see there's this dude who I have never heard of before (don't forget I was missing in the Stairway To Harvard for a few years!). His name is Professor Brian Cox. No doubt many of you know of him. Now this guy is good. I really like him. Obviously smart 'cause he's a Professor but not a Nutty one. See he's into media stuff thingies and promotes himself on TV and does DVD thingies for the BBC. And he seems pretty normal for a genius. I watched the 'Universe' DVD thingie. Ooooh maaaan, this guys good. He knew about heaps of stuff that normal people can't understand. Therefore it makes him look smart because you assume he is, without really knowing 'cause you can't understand what you're watching. But me. Nup. Uh uh. No way. I'm one of the tent people. I needed to know more about this guy. I Wiki'ed him. Yep, apart from the fact he's a genius there's other stuff about him that normal people don't know. Like he was in People Magazine's Sexiest People On the Planet thingie in 2009. Mmmmm Hmmm...... and .... cop this ...
He was a keyboard player for a big UK band called D-Ream. Mmmm Hmmm .... remember "Thingies can only get better-erer, Can only get better-erer, Now I found you and you and you and you". Mazing huh? Genius band boy.....
Oh, and he's worth around 8 million UK pound which is lots I think.....
So anyway his DVD on the Universe is really coooool. He talks about the Big Bang..... It was then I realised. Doctor Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory. Yep. All made sense. The Nutty Professor is a Sheldon Cooper wannabee. Mmmm Hmmm......
But he's still very good. He doesn't talk in sweets like hundreds and thousands. He talks BIIIG. Everything is millions, billions and trillions. I kept waiting for the answers to the questions. The "Why Me Be" thingies. And he had me going. I was ready to join the Nutty Professor cult. But then. Weeeell there's stuff he came out with like in one hundred trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion, trillion, trillion (seriously that's what he said) the last star of 30 million million million stars will Big Bang and that will be the end of WE. No more. Just nothing. No more stars to 'bang'. So obviously Eve will be disappointed up the other end of the 'How We Be' Universe. But you know, by then I'm going to be very old or very deaded and definitely not interested in any sort of Bangs!
To explain my paranoia with all things Universal I'm one of these 'Infinite Regress" dudes that always has to ask a question to an answer and the Nutty Professor was coming up with all the right stuff. Like this for instance. When one of the googillion stars goes Big Bang it is called a Supernova. All these gases generated by all the bangin' turn into 92 different elements. One of those elements is Carbon. And carbon is what creates life. So as much as you thought I'm full of ship I'm not. I'm full of carbon! And so are you and everything else. OhK. I thought he had me. Finally there was no God. Only smart scientists. But I had one last question for Nutty. OhK.....
Where did the stars come from to go Big Bang. That's when Nutty began to blow bubbles. No really, get the DVD. This genius is sitting in the middle of a desert all by himself blowing bubbles through one of those bubble blowing thingies. He was trying to explain that Mister Proton would hump Mrs Neutron and create these thingies that grew into.......... anyway that's when I lost him. A grown man blowing bubbles to explain how WE BE. It was sorta like Jack Nicholson in "One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest".
I mean who do I believe ? The Nutty Professor Bubble Blower or the man who stars in his own show Doctor Sheldon Cooper.
Anyway gotta get back to the music. See ya.
Stay cooool.....

            "I'm forever blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air .......
Picture
Yep, Mister Proton and Ms Neutron began the Big Bang
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THE STALKER

10/8/2014

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STALKER

"Feeling the footsteps of fear I cautiously looked behind
Nothing I could see but the vision of a troubled mind
'Evil' the Stalker was there watching, waiting to pounce
Petrified I staggered ahead, no feeling, no bounce

Started sweating profusely, my heart racing with anxiety
Was that a shadow, or some other menacing propriety
How close is this 'Evil', heavy breathing down my neck
Is this real or should I keep my paranoia in check

Trembling with fear I looked back expecting the worst
My mind creating that vision, a final journey in a hurst
I started to run into the darkened alley ahead
Seeking solace from the danger, the evil Stalker I dread

Panic. I stumbled. Fell forward into my dream
Looked over my shoulder and waited, the end nigh it would seem
It was then that I looked up into fear, the missing love I can see
Thank God I smiled, and sighed a gust of relief
For that vision, my past, that Stalker, was ME...."

        -    TriggerDot
        -    aka Moi
        -    aka Brendan Lauritz
PictureThe hardest love of all ??? But the love that defines our existence
I don't often look back at my writing. I write my feelings then move on. Although you read me I am not writing to you. I am writing to ME. You are reading how I feel at a given MOMENT IN TIME. Self sympathy you may ask (if you did, good question!). Nah. Not really. As I have said sooooo many times I am blessed. Blessed with failure. Blessed with sorrow. Blessed with Miser-ee. Blessed with the past, my 'Stalker'. For the past has defined my future. Mistakes? Oh sooooo many.
Regrets? Oh shoot yeah...
But where are those mistakes and regrets? They are behind me. So I can stop. Turn around and enjoy their company ........... NNNNOT ............. Or I can choose what I believe is a much better alternative. I can glance at them over my shoulder and smile ...... and then move forward into my dream where I have some control. I can manifest my dream into life, into a STORY where I don't mind what I see when I look over my shoulder into the past.
Each and every one of us suffers from the damage caused by the evil NEGOBS, the NEGATIVITY caused by OBSTACLES. The obstacles are MOMENTS IN TIME outside of our control. The car crash, the heart attack, the unexpected financial wipeout ..... and the reasons go on. But it is the NEGATIVITY, the anger, the depression, the grief, revenge, heartbreak, the sorrow .... that plays with our minds and are the destructive part of the NEGOBS. Some of us are blessed with great support networks to help us, great family, great friends ........ BUT ....
it is our own fear that controls the decisions to help us handle the emotional trauma that tries to dictate the CHOICES we make. So...
If we have a medical problem we can have treatment to right the wrong, even major surgery. Heart surgery, brain surgery.....
But what about a problem that stops us in our tracks. What about the grief? What about the heartbreak caused by loss of our partner or friend even. Have you ever heard of MIND surgery. Hmmmm.... doubt it!
There has to be a greater existence than this one life. Universal consciousness is the unexplained, the unknown ..... but the REASON, the MEANING. If we believe that there is something 'out-there' that started the whole shebang then it is easier to comprehend our MEs, our Mister Someone Out-There. This consciousness feeds each one of us our thoughts. Then we make the CHOICES, good or bad, that guide us through our lives. Once we choose our headgear brain thingies tell our bodies what to do and how to act. Not really too complicated when you think about it. Our Eastern world brothers and sisters have been living those 'dreams' forever. And that simplistic explanation of "WHY WE BE" sure makes more sense than the Big Bang Theory, weeeell to moi anyway. So by calling out for HEEEELP to 'Someone Out-There' when we are grieving, depressed, lonely ...... then we are calling out to a Universal Consciousness, the Mister Someone Out-There that lives in each of us. A simple matter of Self-Belief will help with the Negativity part of the NEGOBS......
But it 'ain't easy. That's why we have the suffering and pain from the Obstacles part of NEGOBS. The rock bottoms make us search for the Reason, the Meaning.... Mmmmm Hmmmm.......
and guess what.....
Yours truly, Moi struggles with this part on a daily basis.
Know why?
Because the Self-Belief is directly related to Self-Love which goes missing usually when we are at our lowest. And so the fight begins. The fight for self-esteem. The fight for LOVE, the Universal Consciousness kinda LOVE.
I know where I am going. I fortunately left Miser-ee, the town of fear, loneliness and despair, a long time ago. I know where my Destin-ee is. It is a town where there is no negativity. A town where there is the manifestation of the Dream Of Life. The town where I will find reward for my Self Belief. The town of Happy-Me. That town of......

                                        SELF-LOVE
Picture
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LOVE IN A GLOVE

9/27/2014

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"In the palm of my hands I hold the purest of love
Now in touch with my feelings from Heaven above
I transcend those feelings when I hold your hand
My love will flow into you and you will understand

So let me touch you, let me feel you in me
This harmony of oneness, the speak of the free
Don't ever deny me these feelings I need
Our hands hold our passion, our hearts cannot bleed

When you are down and out, do not run, do not hide
Just come hold my hand, let my love be your guide
I am always there for you just one touch away
Let my love flow into you, hold my hand every day

My life is a story, an opportunity to be
A dream of existence, the story of me
Don't take it for granted this hand wrapped in love
Please guide me forever, let my hand be your glove"

                            -    Brendan Lauritz
PictureNice artwork, no?
Kidnapped?
Murdered?
Missing Person?
Nup. Uh Uh. None of the above. Just slack. Been concentrating on other stuff so I can get closer to my Destin-ee. Other forms of writing but not writing I can share with you until I have it protected through Copyright sorta thingies, if you get the drift. See I have this script, or should I say scripts. I keep changing them to make them better-erer. I have to make them as good as they can possibly be to give them a chance of rocket launching into a world I am not familiar with. A world I do not know but a place I have to go. Hmmmm..... am I sounding nutter-ish again? OhK, let's see........
I'm not the only person on this planet writing poetry, or BLOG thingies, or books for that matter. There's a couple of others. You may have noticed that it 'ain't easy getting weeell..... noticed. So....
I have this idea. In fact I wrote a book (if you can call it that!) about this Working Backwards idea. And in a nutshell I am working on my own theory. There are lots of authors, actors, singers, athletes. And they all want a break, right? You may be one of them even. You may be very good at what you do but there's a small problem. There's a billion other people just like you trying to get ahead, just like you..... and Moi, of course.
It's hard, almost impossible, to get that break you need. Have a crack at X-Factor? The Voice? What about Every Countries Got Talent? So you thought you could dance but please don't? Survivor? Bad Ink? Every Countries Idol?
Hmmmm......
The list goes on.
Right, that didn't work. Let's try buying my way into stardom. Coooool. Great idea. All I need is a few million. Daddy. Hey Dad. Got any money? Huh? Oh live in a tent? Oh dear.... Broke huh?
Hmmmmm.......
OhK, let's see now. Let's ring a few people that could help me like Richard Branson, Mark Zuck.., Bill Gates, The Pope (does he pay?)
Damn Google. Gave me the wrong phone numbers!
WOW. How hard can it be to get yourself out of a mess and move forward like all of the great Philosophers suggest.
Hmmmm.....
Socrates, Plato, Aristotle..... I mentioned them in job interviews and never got the job. This really is hard.
Right. That's it. This isn't funny anymore. HEEEEEEEEELP......
Work Backwards? Huh? Please explain.......
Oh. OhK (Moi talking to myself).
Instead of trying to hit the front of the 'billion pack' and not even getting a 'thanks but no thanks', turn it around. Get the decision makers, the people that matter TO RING ME!
Stop that! It's not that funny. Stop it..............
Anyway, that's what I'm doing. See, I've got something they WANT !
Mmmmm Hmmmm.......

               ............ A  STORY ............

Mmmmm Hmmmm........

Oh by the way, thankyou to all those who have emailed 'Missing Me' messages. Thankyou for your wishes and support. I promise I will write more often. No really. I will.
Oh by the way too, or two, or 2, Happy Birthday Nessie. This BLOG thingie's for you. Mwaa, Mwaa XX
Oh by the way three. The stuff I mentioned above.The scripts. They are good. Veeeeery Good.
Keep watching. As I have promised for a long time, it will get very interesting, very soon




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THERE'S MORE......

6/5/2014

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TWO TEARS

"Strip back the layers of guilt and remorse
Until you stand naked in the field of dreams
Then peel away the skin of self sympathy
And let the blood of shame slowly permeate the soil

When the body of existence has all but disappeared
There will remain only two single tears
Feel them trickle down through the purity of light that is your soul
and into the deep well of consciousness abundant within the ocean of mystery

There your spirit will find the essence of being
The answers to the questions
And the radiance of an eternal light of the Majestic
will forever shine upon the dream of all dreams

For within your dream is your destiny
where two tears will dry within the warmth of your love"

-    TriggerDot
-    aka Brendan Lauritz
-    Copyright 2014
PictureZat choo Little Grasshopper ?
I really think I'm going a bit kooky. Like kooky crazzeee. Sorta nutsville city limits. Weeell in fact I've known about it for quite some time now. There have been many warning signs. A bit like The Twilight Zone there seems to be something 'out there'.....

 I know you feel a bit sorry for me (I can hear the "Aaaawwwwww's" from here) but I am quite accepting of my kookiness. I mean 5 years livin' in the bush and sleeping in a tent 'ain't eggs actly the 'Stairway to Harvard' now is it? So with such an optimistic introduction it must be time to tell you a kooky story which should leave you with no doubt about my insanity. In fact I have lots of similar type stories but I cover them up under the quilt of "Synchronicity", which is meaningful co-incidences, which was created by one of our greatest philosophers and fellow kooky whatshisname.....hmmm... what IS his name?????? Hmmm..... oh I know Carl Jung, that's it. Anyway now to the kooky story....

A long long time ago ('bout 4 weeks actually) I was doing my usual version of wrestle the doona, turning this way and that, sorta in and out of consciousness. Now this is a regular occurrence for moi as I contend with my over active mind. Quite often I will get up, put the kettle on, make a coffee and continue writing whatever I am working on. If my creativity is crankin' I'll sometimes keep writing until after daybreak. But not this night.......
PictureBit kooky but brilliant MIND
I turned the bedside lamp on and felt for my exercise book which I always keep close at hand. All I found was a sheet of used A4 and a pen sitting on top. Still a bit groggy I...... (or was it me ???)...... wrote that verse above in about 10 minutes I guess. I remember turning off the light and going back to sleep. I never gave it another thought until a few nights back when I found the paper under some other stuff I had thrown on top. The hand writing is very scribbly as if I was drunk or off my tree but I was very very straight as I normally am. When I read that verse it took me back to when I wrote it. I read it again, and again, and again. It's like somebody else wrote it for me. Or somebody wrote it TO me. I think it is telling me to stop looking back (even though I make a conscious effort not to) and that my dream is eternal, not just for this life. Or have I written a message to all of you trying to convey my own feelings and thoughts, but not fully conscious when I did the writing?

Hmmmm.... Dunno. Bit freaky though. As I said before I have had many meaningful co-incidences (Carl Jung's Synchronicity) happen since I rock bottomed. Lots and lots. But this is different because there is no co-incidence as far as I can see. The verse doesn't rhyme either, not that it has to, but most of my poems I try to rhyme, especially if I intend to song write them. Also the message is very strong and the writing symbolic of my own feelings but I would normally take a lot longer than a blink in bed to write something like that. So...... who DID write it ???? Hmmmmm......
Well I'll lay claim to it 'cause I think it's pretty cooool. Should make a nice song later on when I get what I am working on. ???????
Picture.... where 'kooky' lives
If you have been reading me, aka BLOG thingie, for a while I think you will figure out where this kooky spooky stuff comes from, huh?
See it goes a little bit like this. I have talked about the MIND which 'ain't part of our bodies. Nup, not part of our brain which I have pointed out many times. The MIND feeds the brain our THOUGHTS then we make our CHOICES using the head gear we've been supplied, right? OhK.
So when I CHOSE to look for, and consequently found, my Upper Case ME, my REAL me, my inner self in other words, THAT was the world I CHOSE to live in. Because I made the right CHOICE in my MIND I am now given a help to complete the Journey which I CHOSE. My MIND which gives me the THOUGHTS to analyse and action, is a part of our Universal Consciousness and because it now knows the type of stuff I need it gives them to me in ways to make me THINK into my future where my dream resides. Because I BELIEVE in where I am going and how I can get there I am given the fuel to make it happen and keep stepping toward the final destination. And BELIEF is the key to the door to let you in when you get there. Along the way stuff happens which may seem spooky kooky to the tune of backing music of the Twilight Zone. But it's not. If you CHOOSE to look for what you BELIEVE in you will find it and the spooky kooky helping hand will take you where you want to go and give you unexpected gifts. Just like the spooky kooky verse it gave me.....
When you BELIEVE in yourself and where you are going it won't be spooky kooky any more. It will be ....
   

                         ......The DESTINY in your DREAM......




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THE EXECUTION

5/30/2014

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THE EXECUTION

My name is DREAM, I cannot be seen
More a VISION of hope and glory
I've been waiting for such a long long time
For you to turn me into your STORY

If you keep looking straight ahead you'll see me in the distance
But if you keep on looking back it'll meet with my resistance
There's nothing but regret and memories when you look behind
Control your destiny in front of you, your past is simply blind

So far you have your own life STORY
Some good some bad and yet....
To see your future the way you WANT
Is a DREAM that can be met

I'm smiling as I wait for you to meet me in your mind
For that's the place I am right now, the past a world behind
Come closer to me step by step I am your life solution
Turn me into your happy STORY, carry out the EXECUTION

-    TriggerDot
-    Aka Brendan Lauritz
PictureDREAM ?????????
All of this started with a THOUGHT in my MIND. Weeeell, in fact a whooole lotta thoughts. Each THOUGHT has it's own genre. To construct the DREAM you want to come true begins with IMAGINATION. Nothing in your brain can CREATE your DREAM. Your brain will receive the signal and interpret your wants and needs but the actual DREAM itself comes from another world. That world is Universal Consciousness where you CHOOSE your THOUGHTS and CREATE your DREAM. YOU get to CHOOSE. The size of the DREAM does not matter so in my humble opinion you may as well make the dream BIG. A simple matter of CHOICE when you construct the DREAM. In making your DREAM CHOICE there is one thing that will help you make your dream come true. You MUST BELIEVE that you can turn your DREAM into your STORY. It is where the TRUTH comes in. Your own SELF truth. In other words be honest with yourself. Ask yourself if it is possible to make your dream MANIFEST. Are you capable of making your DREAM COME TRUE. Do you have what it takes? Do you BELIEVE? A matter of CHOICE in the very beginning.
Pictureooooor ...... STORY ????????
We all dream, right? Well I hope you all do because dreaming takes us on a really special trip. If life is serving you up a whole lotta bad stuff and you start thinking about winning that $20 million jackpot so you can help the kids out and buy a new home and car, well then in my opinion that is great. It takes you into a land of light and hope just for a few moments. It helps take you away rom Miser-ee town and puts a smile on your dial. Nothing wrong with that. Great. But more than likely that beautiful dream will stay just that ..... a dream. The odds of that dream coming true are stacked against you with little CONTROL other than purchasing the ticket. But it's still a good dream. A lot better THOUGHT than wondering when the next debt collector is going to ring, huh?
Then there's the dreams which you think of in your future which you can control and which you can help come true if you ARE TRUE ..... to yourself. Still nice dreams to think about. Still put a smile on your dial. Dreams like falling in love. Or becoming school captain. Or buying a new bike. Or........ weeeell, I'm sure you got the drift!
A dream will stay a dream unless you EXECUTE. You MUST make it come true. You MUST make it happen. You MUST make your dream manifest. There is only one person on this entire planet that can do it because it is YOUR DREAM and your dream ONLY. So become the EXECUTIONER. Stay focused one step at a time. If you want it bad enough you WILL make your DREAM your STORY........
PictureCHOOSE wisely. Then EXECUTE
In my book I dedicated a Chapter to a wonderful recipe although I must admit it doesn't sound very yummy. I love making up stuff and created an acronym for all of the ingredients to help you on your way to making your dreams come true (some refer to it as SUCCESS). The result was a scrumptious dish called VIPER POISON ......... Mmmm Mmmmmmm ......... yuuuuum!
Now without boring you too much we will have a quick look at the most important of these ingredients, the VIPER part, which is short for:

                                                                                    Vision
                                                                                    Intestinal Fortitude
                                                                                    Passion
                                                                                    Execution
                                                                                    Resilience

These are the qualities needed to move you forward towards your dream. By the way Intestinal fortitude is a fancy description for "GUTS". Having the guts to never give up, the guts to swallow your pride. The guts to take risks when needed. The guts to SURVIVE until you make it...... But of these hugely important qualities THE MOST IMPORTANT is the EXECUTION. If you cannot EXECUTE the dream stays a dream. I want my dream to come true. It's what life is about. Making your dreams come true will make you happy, or at least happier. And that in a nutshell explains my kinda 'weird' behaviour. From my rock bottom I have a very BIIIIG DREAM that is seemingly taking forever to come true. It is frustrating and painstakingly slow but it WILL come true. I have moved forward a long way toward my dream. It is soooo close I can feel it. It MUST happen. It WILL. Because I am......

                                                  ......THE  EXECUTIONER.......

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THE GRAVITY OF DREAMS

4/28/2014

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"I'm rather tall and prone to fall but something stops me sinking
My feet attached to the ground I move without much THINKING
And if I jump I go right up and come down really quick
I scratch my head and wonder what it is that makes me stick

 I jumped up and down on this man made thing they call a trampoline
It made me bounce much further up, could almost touch my dream
But then I found the bigger fall wiped the smile right off my face
I hit the ground with such a thud .... almost left the human race

My mind it pointed out to me the rule of relativity
That Einstein dude was pretty smart with all his creativity
It got me asking 'why was it so', goes up it must come down?
Could be right for material stuff but emotionally I drown

When I walk I take these steps that keep me pretty level
Not so my mind which deviates with ups and downs I travel
But the experience in life I gain the longer I walk alone
My dream is now my Destin-ee, the place I call my home"

        -    TriggerDot
                aka Brendan Lauritz
PictureRiiiight oooon Mickey !
Well heeeeello
Sorry I haven't chatted for a while but I've been on Homeless Annual Leave! Hmmmm.... not really. I've been working on my Rock Opera trying to get to the point where I can convince an amateur theatre to run with it. With a little help from my friends we are well into the musical score. Once I have that ready and it works the way my vision has painted it, I will use my previous exposure to get the free publicity I need for the story. But it sure 'ain't no walk in the park. Like the poem above depicts there are bazillions of 'ups and downs' as I step forward. The road is long and fraught with frustration and every other emotion that can de-spirit in the quest for success. It feels the 'downs' outnumber the 'ups' a trillion to one. Such is the Journey of life.
But in a weird kinda way it is the very 'downs' themselves that help build the 'ups'. As you are aware my chosen path of creativity has been challenging the last few years to say the least, but I have hardened up. I have become remarkably resilient. I follow my path. I have learned sooooo many life lessons that now give me the BELIEF that I need to get where I am going. As fate would have it, I would not be in the position to chase my dream if I had have stayed in the Corporate world pre tent days. Why?
Because I was doing what I didn't want to do. I was surviving, not enjoying, like most of us do. It took the bottom of the rock to make me look for my true destiny. I learned the value of the one and only short life I have.........
PictureNever too late to DREAM your DESTIN-EE
And so my STORY began. First the heartbreak. The hardship with all it's emotions, mostly negative. But the emotions helped me find myself, MSOT, my Upper Case ME. And the Journey "from Miser-ee To Destin-ee To Happy-ME" had evolved. The writing gift inside me was unleashed because I had found something to write about. My raw feelings. My hell........
This BIIIG project of mine has taken forever. It seems like I was born again in that tent. For some reason I began to make the right CHOICES. Rather than join most of my fellow soup kitchen 'friends' in their daily alcohol and drug filled world, I separated myself from their 'lost souls paradise". I chose to live away from their misery. I chose to keep fit on the beach. I chose to meditate. I chose to walk 7 klms. to the Library every day for nearly five years. I CHOSE LIFE.......
Writing is so competitive that I knew that in order to succeed I had to be better than most of the other writers. With no money I had to find a way. I had to be different. I had to CREATE A STORY that the media and the public would find interesting, no matter how long it would take. I went on National television primetime. I ate humble pie, big doses of it. All of the clients I had seen over many years, my family, my friends, my kids. Biiiig embarrassment. But I KNEW that this would be the FOUNDATION for my STORY. And now, as I get closer to the dream, that foundation STORY will become instrumental in creating the free publicity I need to publicize the Rock Opera and the other projects I have been working on. All of these projects involve writing (and some illustrating), something I had never dreamed of doing before I crawled out from under my rock....
PictureEncourage your DREAM..... BELIEVE ....
I saw or read something recently that went something like this....
"the events in your life can help shape your destiny, but it is the CHOICES you make that will DEFINE who you are". I'm sure one of the famous philosophers from days gone by made that statement (or similar). I would not have appreciated what that statement really means without the life lessons I have learned in my 'downs' through homelessness, hardship, fear, anger, and all of the other negative emotions (NEGOBS) I had to face because of mistakes I made. I made wrong choices that put me in the position of homelessness. I made the right choices to be where I am now. Funny thing is that I KNOW what I have been working on for the last few years will put me in the position I WANT TO BE IN. And that place is a much better place than I was in before rock bottomsville. A dream can be a little picture or video in your mind that makes you feel good or it can be a CHOICE of something you WANT to happen in your life, something you BELIEVE you can achieve. It could be a simple dream like to fall in love, or lose a heap of weight. If you try hard to do it, then you will ...... if you BELIEVE. The same applies to BIG dreams like mine. They take a loooong, loooong time to manifest but such dreams are worth fighting for. Such dreams are life changing. And such dreams are your Destin-ee if you are patient ..... and resilient.
I have waited years to get where I am now. I have CREATED a whoooole lotta stuff for the STORY. I have DIVERSIFIED, a rule I learned from my Financial Planning days gone by. To have all of my eggs in one basket would have been too risky, and soul shattering if I had failed. So I have CREATED various types of projects in the writing genre. First books, then website/BLOG thingie, poems, then the Rock Opera, a pilot script for a Sitcom I am working on for TV, and others....
But dreams come from our imagination which is deeply embedded in our MIND. The imagination CREATES the THOUGHT for the DREAM. Like a road map it gives us direction to follow, one STEP at a time. And TIME does not matter in the grand scheme of things. Making it to your Destin-ee is the realisation of the chase. And as I stipulated in my book, it is one of the key ingredients in my VIPER POISON recipe that will make your dream come to. I'll tell y'all about it in my next BLOG thingie. It's the stuff that is going to make my DREAMS COME TRUE. Mmmm Hmmm.........
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STILL ONE

3/25/2014

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STILL ONE
(To all of the lonely people)

"I lay there dreaming about my life
When my life was only a dream
How before it had all begun
I was One
With the Universe: the moon, and the stars, and the sun

And then the strangest thing...
The dream came to life and a STORY was born
I became One
With my Mum, in her tum
Still One

She wanted to meet me, and so she released me
A separation of bodies
I cried. And she smiled
Together but now separated I was One
Still One

I was ME. You were you.
Pre-determined fate. We met.
And we grew
Into our destiny
The destiny we knew

Together.
As One.
Two bodies, two minds, two souls
One dream.
Still One

And then the strangest thing
This feeling. THE mystery. One love.
We merged.
One Whole greater than the sum of our two parts
Still One

And we loved within each other
As One.
Until you had to leave.
A separation of bodies.
I cried. And you smiled
Together......
Still.
One.

One love
Like before it had all begun.
With the Universe: the moon, and the stars, and the sun
Full circle
The eternal dream.
Still One".

-    TriggerDot
aka Brendan Lauritz
Copyright 2014
PictureONE. With the moon, and the stars, and the sun
Pretty nice, huh? I've been fiddling around on the piano and it should make a nice song with harps, violins and stuff. I'll add it to my bucket list but it should be recorded in the short term rather than the long term because it's one of my favourites. I want people to understand that the pain of loss can be baaaad, very bad, especially for those who were united in divine love for most of their lives, encroaching upon being "Twin Flames" (maybe even!). But if your belief systems (if you like your Angels) are supportive, and you LOOK for the meaning, then it will be found. And the pain will become bearable. It will not go away. But it will be manageable. Much more than if you are so shattered that you throw in the towel. If you don't look. If you don't ask for help...... "Dear Mister Someone Out-There, I need your help right now.........".
So who is MSOT? Hmmmm.... Angels are pretty nice companions if you want to believe in them. Well MSOT is who you want him (or her) to be. Who your belief systems tell you. Most people suffering loss think that there is no love any more when in fact there is more than there was before because of the Universal "One" factor, but you must draw the strength to try to understand what is happening. To understand that life is a fleeting pulse of the eternal heartbeat. Or as I say in the poem above, you must BELIEVE that there is something greater. That you are ONE, with the moon, and the stars, and the sun. That you were ALWAYS ONE before you became ONE. Then you met who you have lost ...... and became ONE through your LOVE. Then you lost ONE. But you are still ONE. And then understand that you will also be lost. But all throughout from before the beginning to after the end you are Still One, with the Universe: The moon, and the stars, and the sun. But you MUST BELIEVE in the never ending circle. It will help with the hurt
Hmmmm..... well that's what me and poem thingie think anyway. So there!
PictureTo BELIEVE is art
Everybody loses at some stage of their life. Many, like me, never seem to stop losing. Hit with the "Why Me?" stick over and over. The whipping boy of pain and suffering, tragedy and hardship. But there is a simple solution to being able to handle the pain. It is a process. It should be taught in schools because it is more important than getting a 'Degree in Whatever'. It is the simple process of BELIEF. And the BELIEF will lead to the UNDERSTANDING. That understanding will become the "panadol" for the pain relief. So how do I know? I don't. What makes me an expert on the subject of all things pain and suffering? I'm not. But I do BELIEVE because I have needed help. I do BELIEVE because I have needed serious help and hit the Hell of rock bottoms and had nowhere else to go. I do BELIEVE because I KNOW that it helps with the hurt of loss. Hmmm....
So what should you BELIEVE in? God?
Yeah probably
Buddha?
Hmmm..... yeah maybe
The Koran
Aaarrhhmm ..... perhaps
Spiritualism?
Yep. Weeeeell I think so.....
The philosophy of philosophers?
Hmmm..... probably wouldn't hurt
PictureLove doesn't leave. Only you do.
But the process of BELIEF is a simple one. We can all CHOOSE to believe in whatever. We are given a lot of choices. The choices out there. In the Universe: the moon, and the stars, and the sun. But the real BELIEF, the TRUTH is a lot closer to home. In my feature poem "Dear Mister Someone Out-There" I call out for help to someone out there because I didn't really know who to ask. But then I realised that Mister Someone Out-There was inside ME. He had been knocking from inside me forever but I wouldn't answer the door. Mister Someone Out-There was my inner self. My Upper Case ME. Mister Someone Out-There IS ME.......
So if the pain is overbearing then answer the door. When you do you will get help with the hurt. I know because I DID (open the door that is!). But a hint. If you don't BELIEVE in yourself you will not find the key. And if you don't find the key then it is going to be difficult to open the door, no? See, BELIEF in yourself is the nucleus of your whole BELIEF SYSTEM. Your belief in God, your belief in your family and friends. Your belief in your fellow man (THE DOTS!). Your belief in having your Angels, or Mister Someone Out-There, or the Trustee of your trust, to help you with the hurt.
Your BELIEF that you are................
                                                                .........STILL ONE .........
                                                           with the moon, and the stars, and the sun
Stay coooool.
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RAIN

3/11/2014

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RAIN
"Oh how painful to remember the feeling of loss
Such emptiness, no control, no longer the boss
Head in my hands I looked down into the dark
My spiteful new friend 'self pity' was making it's mark

Then the thunder roared out to my all consuming fear
Be alone it cried screaming merrily. before I shed one single tear
Hope was no ally for this bitter taste of remorse
For the experience of the lonely could now take it's course

Lightning followed thunder, momentary relief from dimming skies
The fear had engulfed me, fuelling my ego's deafening cries 
But then five senses alerted me to what was to come
To drown in my own tears of sadness, I was not to succumb

Amidst the thunderous turbulence of the storm in my mind
I could smell this aroma, a scent from nature, of a peculiar kind
Enlightened by this fragrance of beauty with eyes wide shut
I looked up to the heavens for a sign to put an end to this rut

And then I felt it's soothing drops of redemption
Opened my mouth to taste the purest form of intention
As the heavens opened up I could hear this divine sound
Right before my eyes these drops of eternity I had found
And I smiled.

"Twas then that I let out this almighty scream 
I found Heaven.... and the beginning of the most beautiful dream
For this Angel had delivered five senses to ease my pain
So I could move forward ....... and now sing in THE RAIN"

            -    TriggerDot
                 aka Brendan Lauritz
PictureSmell, taste, feel, hear and see it
As I have said soooo many times we cannot control the past so we should not devote a lot of our energy to it .... BUT .....
The past is important to our future because of the experience. Because of the life lessons it provides for our future. Just like the Rock Concert script I have written, our lives are really two parts....... The STORY which is our PAST, and The DREAM, which is our FUTURE.
That poem above is an extract from my MIND. As much as I hate to think of the bad stuff that I have experienced I still must use the pain to get where I am going. Life lessons.
I think I may have talked about this in a previous blog. When I became homeless it was all new to me (obviously!). Like walking into the dark, I was scared. Very. I had to find ways to survive. I also had to find a way to eat. Enter my first soup kitchen. I sat on the steps of an office building across the road from where the food van was to arrive. I watched other homeless stagger in. And I felt sick. Soooooo sick. Folded arms across my tummy I swayed to and fro, wondering what I was in for. My emotional wreck matched the dismal outlook of the encroaching storm. Those are the moments that you ask yourself the BIG questions. "What have I done? Why? How could I be so stupid? Am I going to make it out alive?
A distant memory but a tortuous one. A living nightmare. It still makes me sick remembering it. I feel sick now thinking about it. BUT.....
The poem above...... I could not have written it without that living nightmare. The book, the rock opera, the poems, the songs, indeed this BLOG thingie...... I could not have written any of it without that living nightmare, the bad experience. So you can see that my past has shaped my future. My DREAM is shaped by my STORY so far. My PAST is CREATING my FUTURE. And I have invited you along for the ride......
PictureThe space is for the sixth sense : THOUGHT
The five senses: to see, to hear, to feel, to taste and to smell. These senses are what makes us comprehend using our eyes, ears, body, tongue and nose. But what happens when we close our eyes or block our ears? Can we still see and hear? Well one of the world's great visionaries could. Her name was Helen Keller. What I am trying to express through the poems and writing is that we need to reach out to 'Someone Out There' when our five senses cause us hardship in our lives. When our five senses are confused with the causal effects of other senses in our lives. Senses like greed, apathy, anger, self pity, and depression. They too are hidden senses but lurk deep within the darkness of our souls. Waiting to exploit our weaknesses whenever our five basic senses are not working at full efficiency. In the poem above I have tried to communicate my feelings as I was resident under my rock, or should I say my 'rock bottom'. Self pity and depression were eating into my MIND creating delusions of helplessness. But then the RAIN came out of nowhere. You would think that in such a poor mental state that a storm would be the last thingie I needed. But no. For some unexplainable reason my five senses came to my rescue. Wallowing in my self imposed self pity I did look up to the Heavens and I did really scream. But with eyes wide shut I was able to SEE something greater than my predicament. I was able to SEE a force so much greater. I could HEAR the thunder. I could SMELL, FEEL and TASTE the RAIN. I could SEE something much greater than myself. I could SEE 'ME', my inner self, my Upper Case ME. Now I know I am sounding like a bit of a 'drama queen' but the STORY, within the poem are very REAL. For me to be where I am today, over five years later, there had to be some divine intervention, a force greater than me to take my hand and guide me. I called him Mister Someone Out-There and wrote a poem about him, a very emotional poem that featured in my book. In that five plus years I learned about survival. I learned how to re-invent myself through pure BELIEF. I learned how to write books, poems, songs, a rock opera, a website, a BLOG thingie. I LEARNED. But who taught me? Well if you have been reading for a while the answer is pretty simple. I learned from Someone who had been knocking from inside all of my life. I finally answered the door. I found my Upper Case ME.......
PictureThe little ME and the big ME......
Similarly during this period of homelessness I was sleeping on the beach because I had nothing and nowhere. I didn't even think of living in a tent where I would spend my next five years. I was LOST. For ten straight nights I slept on the beach (until a cyclone ruined that domicile!). Anything could have happened. It was dangerous. And yet I remember the first night, a beautiful clear night. I put my doona on the sand and threw half over me. I lay there and closed my eyes. I listened. I could hear the roar of the surf hitting the shore. It was like listening to an orchestra. Little did I know that the sound of the crashing surf would become my focus in the meditation I would learn. I opened my eyes and could SEE the most breathtaking picture one could imagine. This absolutely clear sky with a near full moon and what must have been a billion stars. No longer was I cold for I could FEEL the warmth of something greater than my problems. The WHOLE that was the sum of all parts, the ocean, the Universe including the moon, the stars the galaxies....... and my seemingly giant problems. That 'something' or Mister Someone Out-There was showing me my life ..... and a way forward. It wasn't about hope. It was about something much more. It was about LOVE. Not the kissy kissy hold hands type of LOVE. It was my message. My personal message that no matter what happens I have SomeOne to watch over me. The SomeOne that gave me the five senses. The SomeOne that gave me the Universe. The SomeOne that gave me my ME. The Someone that gave me 
                                      ................THE RAIN ................
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THE SILOUETTE

2/18/2014

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THE SILOUETTE
"It was time.
Time for me to leave
I had been waiting. There was no surprise.
There was only one certainty in life
I was about to find that certainty through my Earthly demise

I still can't work out what my life was about
Learned my lessons through fate causing the pain no doubt
But with eyes wide shut I could see so much more
The opening to eternal light, the closing of a door

With a smile of anticipation I lay waiting, no fear
For my mind was prepared. I shed one single tear
That little drop of destiny down my cheek it rolled
The Angels were calling, the truth now would unfold

My body was done and the light it had come
No ordinary brilliance, the rest of eternity had begun
My Spirit stared in awe at this wondrous energy of light
Breathtaking beauty of belief in faith's fearless flight

With a feeling unrequited this brilliant light of pure love
Into the eternal distance spread these majestic rays from above
But not light as we know it, more a Universal radiance of ONE
Guiding me forward toward the silhouette of love I'd become

And through that light of eternity the silhouette I could see
Was in fact the soul I'd been chasing to transcend the real ME
I now realise the reason for the life left behind
Simply a call of ONE consciousness, a silhouette of my MIND"

-    TriggerDot
    aka Brendan Lauritz
    Copyright 2014  (Remember........ Norman Bates!!!!!)
Picture...... and don't call it stupid Rembandt!
As I lay in the dark next to her I reached for the bottle of Liquid Viagra. Mistakenly I drank from a bottle of Liquid Paper. I ended up with a huge Correction!!!!!
Heee Heee. Aarrhhmm. No it's not a true story. It's another attempt at a joke to lift any sagging Spirits. Weeeelll after my first joke attempt in the last BLOG thingie, the stats (number of 'hits') did the biggest vertical jump ever-erer so I don't know whether that's because of my first ever-erer BLOG thingie joke, or maybe mind boggling poem, or maybe the salubriously sensational story, postcard pictures or what. So I thought I'd have one more (last) crack at being a comedian. Hmmmm ..... No ????? OhK. I'll scrap "stand up comedian' off my bucket list then........ It was never in my dream anyway! ........... Speaking of which.......
As I move closer to the 'dream breaker' I can let you in on a weee widdle bit of what I'm up to. See, I've written this Rock Opera/ Musical sorta thingie. The foundation for the play is based on this dude who sorta stuffs up his life and sorta dreams of doing something else for the rest of his life. Sorta Moi. Something he wants to do. Something that matters. Anyway along the way he meets someone out there who changes his life. The dude's name is Mister Someone Out-There. And around that is built THE STORY for my Rock Opera. It is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo coooooooooooooooooooooool. And the music is quite amazing. And then along with the Rock Opera is a whooole lotta other stuff. And ..... weeell that's all I can tell you just right now. But it is happening and it will happen. It was never not going to happen........
But it is important to understand this. When I wrote my book and then had my story told on National television and every other media thingie while I was living in the tent, I did so with the intention of creating the FOUNDATION for the story about the ability that each and every one of us has to beat the tragedy and hardship odds, the pain and suffering odds that are not only a necessary part of life, but ARE life. The pain and suffering is simply the NEXT STEP of our eternal Journey. And so I made the decision to change. The life lessons had shown me how to survive with NOTHING so that if it took me years to completely re-invent myself then so be it. I was armed with the KNOWLEDGE that no matter what happened while I was STEPping toward my DREAM, I could survive the bad stuff. So my call to "Dear Mister Out-There" for help was only a result of the life lessons, which I like to term "life blessings"......... 
PictureDREAM...... FUTURE ....... LIFE ....... PAST
As you know my book is titled "Working Backwards, From Miser-ee To Destin-ee To Happy-Me". I had never written anything before. Out of nothing came a book. My MIND at work. Then the creation of the website for marketing purposes. I hated computers but couldn't afford paid help so I did it myself. Then BLOG thingie which, as you read, is still going. Then the poetry came from nowhere. Then for some unknown reason I began putting poetry to music. WHY???????
My MIND had taken over because I had asked it to. I had surrendered myself. Now a hand was guiding me because I needed help and had called out for HEEEELP. I KNEW to WORK BACKWARDS. I left the rest up to whoever it was looking after ME. Then the really spooky part. The VOICE in the tent. TWO WORDS. The name of one of the songs I had created. That was when I knew that I was being guided. No pressure like I had in the Corporate fiasco of a life that had past before me. It didn't matter how long this project, this BIIIIG DREAM, of mine would take....... AS LONG AS I BELIEVED.
I did.......
Just like the book, and the website, and the BLOG thingie, and the poems, and the songs, I now have a complete script for a Rock Opera .........
                                                                    FROM ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
See, that Mister SomeOne Out-There dude that I had found..... Weeeell he had been knocking inside of ME for my whole life but I wouldn't answer the door until something bad happened. Then when I answered the door he gave me all this stuff and a reason for my life. Part of that reason is to show y'all that you too should answer your door and find out what you really have inside you. I had turned a lot of my poetry into songs. They were all sorta related to my demise and the struggle. But they were not 'connected' in any way that could be of use to me, or so I then thought. But now I have linked them all to make a Rock/Opera. How did I do that? It defies logic. It explains something though. I do not HOPE something will happen. I CREATE. Then I give myself 100% BELIEF which gives me an equation:
                                                                    100% BELIEF = I KNOW
PictureLooking into my DREAM
If you haven't worked it out yet my MIND is the GUIDING HAND. Before I CREATED the new play I have had to CREATE some other stuff to support what will happen. Simply WORKING BACKWARDS within my DREAM. But the next step is the publicity this STORY will generate. The EXPOSURE that this will CREATE, which I documented in my Book. I KNEW that this time would come. I just didn't know WHEN. Now we are close. I survived the bad stuff, the eeeevil NEGOBS. Now, with my Upper Case ME showing the Lower Case 'me' what life is really about, I can move forward with great anticipation. Exposure was always the 'secret ingredient' in this special recipe of my life.......
The very beginning of my Rock Opera begins with a Narrator (Candy Girl) proclaiming:

"Your life so far is your STORY
Your story is PAST
It cannot be controlled
Your DREAM is your FUTURE
You can control the outcome of your dream
Make your dream your story..............

And with that beginning follows a great Rock Opera/ Musical.
Hmmmm........
'Mazing, huh? The Musical is two halves. First half before Intermission is THE STORY, the second half is THE DREAM. I make the dream become the story eggs actly as I am now doing in real life. The end of the concert is the manifestation of the dream. The DREAM THAT BECOMES THE STORY. Just like is really happening in my life, which just happens to be my story that I keep Stepping toward in my dream. Howzat, you ask? Hmmm..... good question dot.
See to Moi real life goes a bit like this............."
PictureWhat a pretty dream, huh?
Every one of us is BORN into a dream. It has to be because where we came from is unknown, like some magical fairy tale. We are given some unknown amount of TIME called LIFE. But through our mind's interpretation UNCONSCIOUS world has become CONSCIOUS world. We call ourselves HUMANS and this time of our life is REALITY. So every moment, every second we LIVE forward in this DREAM becomes a STORY.
 PRESENT  .... FUTURE .... PAST (Repeat for eternity)
Tick Tick Tick. We become conscious of other humans in this big DREAM from birth. We communicate and LEARN stuff from previous life STORIES. We take pictures and videos of our life STORIES. We LIVE THE DREAM. As we live our DREAMS forward into our future, the DREAM becomes our STORY. So we start off with all DREAM and end up with all STORY (all bell in our curve, remember?). Before we started the DREAM of life into our future, our MINDS, which do the THINKING and CREATE the STORY of our lives, are the vehicle for turning the future into past, the dream into the story. It is our MINDS that CONTROL our DESTIN-EE. But the DREAM of LIFE is finite. It ends with our bodily demise. But the never ending question is "When does the DREAM end?" or maybe even "Is there an end to the DREAM?" Hmmmm...... But then all of a sudden there is no more DREAM left. Only STORY. So at that point just before the body gives up it is the end of the DREAM and the end of the STORY. Or is it?
Well, I don't think so. I think the dream keeps going. The body now a silhouette amongst the light of truth. But that's just what I believe through my faith. If you don't BELIEVE in yourself, in God, in the Spirit of eternity, in the silhouette. Weeeeell, I guess it must be pretty scary waiting for the inevitable end of body, no???
Anyway as that great Philosopher Ronnie Rowboat philosophized (maybe sorta kinda!):
Row Row Row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily Merrily Merrily Merrily
LIFE IS BUT A DREAM
Picture
KEEP ON ROWING INTO YOUR DREAM
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LAND OF LOST SOULS

2/10/2014

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WISE GUY
"Now knowing the reason for my overall demise
Not learning from life, I was simply unwise
Selfish and greedy I pumped up my ego
To crash was inevitable, a new start up from zero

Oh thank God for the suffering, the grief and the pain
To be blessed with the hardship from which I might gain
Searching for reason beyond self, I will listen and learn
Each tear drop of self pity into the ocean of wisdom will turn

Without experience and knowledge there can be no growth
But to learn from the pain enlightened wisdom your oath
And once attained that wisdom must be shared
With those most in need to show how you cared"

        -    TriggerDot
            aka    Brendan Lauritz
Picture
I just read my last BLOG thingie which I don't do very often mainly because I get depressed enough without reading my own thoughts on life! But I did notice that I wrote about one of my favourite subjects ...... GETTING DEADED.
Bit sad really. Anyway to get us all in a more cheerful, jovial kinda mood I thought for the first time ever-erer I would begin with a joke. Ready? OhK
Q.    Why do deep sea divers always fall backwards into the water?
A.    Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat!
Well, I thought it was funny. Hmmm, end of my days as a Comedian, huh? OhK back to the good stuff. Death, Miser-ee, Depression ...... All the stuff you seem to like....... Oh, by the way, keep tuning in! I expect to drastically pervert the course of my Destin-ee in the not too distant future. Oh Oh........
My dear sister gave me a wonderful pressie for Chrissie ('present for Christmas' for normal people!). A short course in Philosophy. And for the man about town who has everything ... N-N-N-Not ... I am pleased to report that I went to my first class a couple of nights ago. I went with an open mind with few expectations other than worrying a little that I may come across as a somewhat loose canon. So I wore my best (and only) pair of jeans, a pair of religious socks (holy) with shoes (as opposed to usual thongs or 'Hippie' bare feet) and a T shirt without holes. I let my rather long locks (of hair) hang naturally just like the rest of me. Getting there early I couldn't find the premises so I sat in the car and waited for the Dalai Lama and Maharishi Yogi lookalikes to guide me in. Hmmmm...... Weeell, that didn't work. So I asked a Street Cleaner for directions, and, being an expert in all thingies rubbish he guided me in like an usher. The building had a sign out the front "Philosophy" but my redefined mind quickly translated that into "Land Of The Lost Souls". I was HOME !!!!!!!
PictureOff to the Land of Lost Souls
Now 5 years living in a tent probably doesn't do one's mental state a whoooole loootta good but I seemed to have come through the experience more 'the sum of all parts' rather than a 'whole', if you get the drift. But the experiences of soup kitchens, drug addicts, alcoholics, ex-cons, bashings, suicides, overdoses, etc., you would think would put me in good stead to 'dig' a course like philosophy, no? And of course I did spend just about every day at the local Library 'knowledging up' because I needed some sort of help to get me outta the mess I was in. So what better way than to have a chat with Einstein, Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, Descartes and all the other givers of wisdom. One would think that I would be able to contribute a little amongst all of weee fellow philosophical hippies. In fact I should fit into 'The Land Of Lost Souls' like a glove on to a cancer searching finger (not that I'm paranoid or anything!). I let my hair down rather than the tied back look so that I would fit in with the enlightened ones. I even considered ripping a few holes in my jeans but as they are the only pair I have, my economic wisdom from previous educational disasters suggested I shouldn't. Anyway as I trundled up the stairs toward Lost Soul Land I was excited to meet my hippie peers. Another sign directed me to 'Philosophy' and there, down the corridor of hope and good will, was Jess, one of the course co-ordinators. It was right then that I became a little concerned. Jess was immaculately dressed and appeared quite normal. Hmmmm..... Disguises like this couldn't fool a learned apprentice philosopher like Moi. After all, 1812 straight days at the Library (paranoid schizophrenia do you think!) had provided sound research about the Church Of Scientology and other cults..... I was well prepared, and guarded. Jess directed me to my seat. A normal one. In a room. Pretty standard one. With a lot of other seated Lost Souls. With a half baked smile I looked around........ A nice lady sat down in the seat next to me. She gave me the cutest smile and asked me if the seat was vacant, introducing herself as 'Milly' in the process. "hi Milly, nice to meet you" I smiled back. Milly. Yeah right. My paranoid philosophical self wondered if every Lost Soul had an alias, and whether a response such as 'Hey, I'm TriggerDot' would light the wik of the loose canon.......
PictureHmmmm.... I wonder if Socrates squeaked?
I looked around cautiously. You know how you get the feeling that every set of eyes in the room are fixed on your very being. Shakingly strange. Every Lost Soul within view (I dared not look around) looked 'normal'. In fact, it appeared that some were still in their Corporate attire having come straight from work. Yeah right. I was seasoned. A hardened homeless man. I knew.......
Anyway "Squeak" the teacher called us to attention. No Socrates lookalike at all. Hmmm ...., maybe a decoy. Instead an elderly stateswoman that supposedly ooooooozed wisdom. Or so one would expect from a learned "Little Grasshooper'. I saw her lips moving and assumed she was talking. My hearing aid was already on max but nothing as I stretched my neck a few metres forward without the body following. Not a decibel. And yet the others seemed to be comfortably transcending. I was frustrated. This was such an important time in my life. The attainment of wisdom. "Squeak" was seemingly enjoying what she was saying. Now I don't want to appear the successor to Norman Bates but I was feeling cheated. The wisdom was not shared wisdom. I felt like grabbing Squeak's jaw and looking down into her Adam's Apple to see if there were any vibrations. But I stayed calm. I raised a finger (not THE finger!). She politely asked if I had a question. I politely asked if she could whisper a little louder. Squeak apologised and promised to squeak louder.... (I think philosophers squeak because they are all about peace, and calm, and meditation, and quiet .....silent quiet ..... 'zip' quiet!)
And with that I became 'shared'. I was one with everybody else. I even began to feel 'normal', like everybody else. I heard a lot more from Squeak although old habits die hard and I did have to rely on the handouts to 'tweek' the Squeak. And of course I didn't let myself down. I had to ask over a thousand philosophical questions to re-enforce my reputation as the fruitiest loop of the Lost Souls. As expected it was indeed me, and only me, who deserved the title of Lost Soul.......
All of the other Lost Souls, including Squeak, were 'normal'!
Can't wait to share some more wisdom next week in the Land Of The Lost Souls. Hmmm.... I wonder if this Philosophy makes weee Lost Souls intelligent as well as wise.
May the dust of many feathers guide you through the light of euphoric existence and into the eternal fields of Little Grasshopper's memory. Amen.
Squeak.......
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