Well as promised here is the first episode of the comedy short scripts. But before we start to have a giggle I need to remind y'all that there is a point to each episode. Overall I suppose you could say the series is about EVOLUTION or even CREATION. This first episode is about PRE-ME or PRE-EXISTENCE before we had a pulse, or heartbeat. I need you to THINK about something because it is important information on my journey. Did you and I exist before our pulse, our heartbeat, our bodies. I believe we did and as we move forward you will begin to understand. But until then.....on with the show!
Willie Blowitt, Unloving Male chauvinistic husband
Dianne TaKnow, Desperate Housewife
Downtown suburbia. Nice House. The kitchen / dining room 9.00pm
Dianne is desperate. Her biological clock is ticking. Kidless and loveless after 15 years. It has to be tonight. Tonight is fertile night of the month. She has carefully planned it. Brand new leather and lace bra and panties. All made up with the new hairstyle. And then the Channel No.5. It has to work. But just in case..........
Di has prepared his favourite meal, steak and mashed potato with mushroom sauce. She opens the microwave and takes out the warm milk for the coffee. She crushes the BLUE PILL. A whole one! That should get a bit of movement happening! She puts the crushed powder into the milk adds the coffee and voila, a nice stiff drink for lover boy.
He's home. Willie walks in and grunts.
Di: Hello darling, right on time. How was the pub?
Willie: Not long enough!
Di: Darling have you noticed anything?
Willie: Yeah, my dinner's not on the table.
Di: (Moving over to canoodle with him)
Can you smell something nice?
Willie: Oh yuuum, mashed spuds....
Di: Eeeeerrrr, here.....here's your dinner (frustrated and hurt)
And your warm milk coffee. Your favourite. Drink it all down darl.
See you in bed. Goodnight (pig!)
30 minutes later in the bedroom...........
Willie puts his long jons on and climbs into bed with his newspaper..........
Di: (Snuggles up next to Willie)
Willie: What aaare you doing? Stop that. Di. What's got in to you?
Di: (Screaming like a mad woman)
We need to make baby tonight. It has to be tonight. NOOOOW...
Willie: What..... stop that...Di.....stop......
Willie: What the....
Di: (Muffled voice)
I a oo ee ooite.....i..aaa...oooo....eeee.....oooiite
Willie: What, oh my God, you insane woman, what are you doing now?
Di: Yeeesss, oh, oh, oh...
Willie: Stop jumping up and down like that. You're mad woman. Heeeelp.
You're hurting my legs. Oh my.....
Di: (screaming) Wiiiiillieeee. Yes...yes....yes....now....now.....now....
Di: Yeeeeeessssssss....(she jumps off)
(Deathly silence then...
Willie: Have you got something you wanna say, woman.
Di: (With smug grin)
Yeah, pass the tissues, BOING boy!
(....to be continued.....)
Tomorrow : The Tadpole Olympics