MY FUTURE PAST

TO ME
"Slowly you unveil the strings of my heart
and use them to wrap up my soul
Now left with a void, nothingness within
No purpose, no longer a whole

I don't understand, you promised
to take my hand and share the Journey with me
It has only just begun and yet so suddenly you desert
the sinking ship, it hurts so much, oh how I wanted it to be

There must be an answer, a reason for the pain
My soul in the dark, I cannot see
No longer stepping forward, guided by your hand
I feel naked, deserted, alone again, a mystery TO ME"

-    TriggerDot
-    aka Brendan Lauritz

..... lotsa words...... lotsa stories.....

I don't wanna sound like a drama queen but I have been flicking through my exercise books, sorta reminiscing as my emotions are having a field trip with my mind right now. Anyway on page 53 of book 2 (yep I numbered them all about six months ago!) I found this poem I wrote "TO ME". Must be 3 years ago or more I guess. Now at the time I remember how I was feeling. I was sad. It happens a lot from under the bottom of a rock. There's a story behind the poem, as there always is. It's why I am doing what I am doing. A whole lotta stories under one big story being told backwards. I can't help shedding a tear or two when I read my feelings past. It's like looking at some really old photos of my mum, dad and family. It pulls at my heart strings, just like it did in my little poem back then. But whether it is old photos or old stories there is one thing I have to understand, and that is that the pictures are in my past. I cannot bring anybody in the pictures back to life but I can try and remember. Same with the stories in my exercise books. I cannot change anything I wrote about, but I can smile, or cry (I do both!), and remember.

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A kiss from a rose.....

In my book I talk about the FUTURE PAST. This is an exact extract from page 55 of exercise book 1:
"I mentioned in my book about my made up term THE FUTURE PAST. It is well worth re-hashing my thoughts on this important life interpretation. Life is a finite entity. In fact it is a piece of TIME with a specific beginning and end.
As we live each second, breathe each breath, and pump each heartbeat, our present is only a freeze frame in our LIFE of TIME. For as we travel along our road each precious second, breath and heartbeat becomes our past. Without being negative or over dramatic, each of these freeze frames in TIME becomes a memory, and as we continue along the path, a distant memory. Further from our beginning and closer to our end.  My purpose in sharing these my personal thoughts, is simply to create an impact on the importance of each freeze frame within our sacred lives."
So........

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MY FUTURE..... MY PAST.... ????

As I laugh and cry my way through my 8 exercise books, the diary of a poor part of my life, I can look back at my PAST which at the time was my PRESENT looking into my future. But it also reminds me that I cannot CONTROL anything NOW because it is GONE. But what I do have is the documented memories, or more appropriately EXPERIENCES, whether they be good or bad. But what they now are is EXPERIENCES that can define my FUTURE because now the experiences have become LESSONS.
I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt (First Lady USA) who said "Yesterday is history, Tomorrow a mystery, and Today is a gift. That's why we call it The Present"
Well as you all take a trip down memory lane, for whatever reason, laugh, smile and LEARN so that your FUTURE PAST defines THE GIFT..........

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