"A vision, a picture, a dream, a story
A passion, a journey, a direction for glory
One love, one life, one direction for glory
One meaning, one purpose, one glorious story
No vision, no picture, no dream, no story
No passion, no journey, no direction for glory
No love, no life, lost direction to glory
No meaning, no purpose, sad end to the story"
- TriggerDot
aka Brendan Lauritz
... the LOVE DOVE is always with you... It's FUNny that there is FUN in the word FUNERAL, don'tcha think dot? I mean, seriously! Every funeral I go to I promise myself I will never go to another one....... until I go to the next one. I detest funerals.... despise, hate, loathe, and any other word to describe them. It began when I was a teenager. I went to my Mothers funeral. I can't remember much back then, but I remember THAT, my mother's funeral. I remember the people. I remember being a very sad little kid. And I remember the church absolutely packed with people. And I remember the coffin......
After that, funerals seemed to become a very uninvited part of my life. Dad, my big brother who became my second dad, my sister, very special friends and they just kept coming. Funeral after funeral. They just made me sad. They made me cry. And they made me remember. And I just don't WANT to remember those sad occasions. I just want to forget them. It's not disrespectful. Why do I want to remember sadness, and grief, and sorrow? Why do I want to remember sad events? Easy answer. I DON'T..........
But there is a purpose and a reason for funerals. Many people refer to them as a "Celebration Of Life". A nice positive way of describing a very sad, often traumatic event. I don't want to say goodbye to those whom I love. I don't want to look at a box containing the body of somebody that I used to talk with. And laugh. And cry.
After that, funerals seemed to become a very uninvited part of my life. Dad, my big brother who became my second dad, my sister, very special friends and they just kept coming. Funeral after funeral. They just made me sad. They made me cry. And they made me remember. And I just don't WANT to remember those sad occasions. I just want to forget them. It's not disrespectful. Why do I want to remember sadness, and grief, and sorrow? Why do I want to remember sad events? Easy answer. I DON'T..........
But there is a purpose and a reason for funerals. Many people refer to them as a "Celebration Of Life". A nice positive way of describing a very sad, often traumatic event. I don't want to say goodbye to those whom I love. I don't want to look at a box containing the body of somebody that I used to talk with. And laugh. And cry.
... so are the butterflies.... I went to another funeral last Friday. My good friend Red's husband died after a long illness. I thought long and hard about going. I did. Under sufferance. I caught a bus and the bus driver told me the bus went to where the 'funeral street' was. It didn't. I got off and had to walk 4 klms back to where the funeral was and a lot of that was up a steep hill. I wasn't a 'happy camper'. I was late but thankfully so was everyone else. After several anxiety attacks, paranoia freak sessions and with perspiration dripping from the nerves, the walk uphill and the anticipation of joining this 'FUN' event, I settled into the second last row, so that few had noticed my late entrance. I pulled out the smelly spray stuff that BFF had bought me and tried to smother the perspiration odor permeating from my pores. Hmmmmm........ OMG I hate these things! Then a quick look up the front at the bereaved family. Oh, why do I torture myself so??????
But then...... the strangest thing.........
I heard people LAUGHING???? What? OMG, how can this be? Lordy, lordy, lordy. How sadistic. How disrespectful. How.........
Then I noticed something. Up above the altar was some sorta picture show playing. They had put some family photos from the old days up on the wall. And I could see why people were laughing. I had a giggle as well. There were lots of FUNNY PHOTOS.......
But then...... the strangest thing.........
I heard people LAUGHING???? What? OMG, how can this be? Lordy, lordy, lordy. How sadistic. How disrespectful. How.........
Then I noticed something. Up above the altar was some sorta picture show playing. They had put some family photos from the old days up on the wall. And I could see why people were laughing. I had a giggle as well. There were lots of FUNNY PHOTOS.......
....so is your MSOT....... But then the service began. Oh oh. I shriveled back into my reality. The horror was about to begin. We said a few prayers which was cooooool because I like to pray, and this was certainly an occasion to pray.
BUT then the speakers, the family. Oh oh. .......The FEAR of reliving my PAST shivered up and down my spine. A darkness descended...... well in my MIND anyway.
But then...... another strangest thing......
MORE LAUGHING. The speakers were telling FUNNY STORIES from their HAPPY DAYS. There was a small problem. I didn't hear any of the talks because I am deaf as a post with faraway speakers. But that mattered not. It was a pretty HAPPY service. The congregation was laughing and giggling. Weeeell maybe, sorta, kinda.......
When it was all over and we all went outside I spoke to a few of the family including my friend Red. And you know wot dot?
I had no reason to fear at all. It was all cooooool. Granted it won't make it into the Comedy Company's list of 'greatest ever' episodes but it was FUN in a maybe, sorta, kinda way.
It was another beautiful STEP forward on my Journey. I learned more. I had more fantastic footage for my "EXPERIENCES" folder in my "PAST" portfolio. And afterwards as I trekked another 4 klms to civilization I felt pleased with myself. Not so much because I had made it through another FUNeral relatively unscathed and of relatively sound MIND , but indeed because I made it at all...........
And of course there is a very simple reason for that in the 'big picture scenario' of my Journey.........
..... I CHANGED MY MIND............
BUT then the speakers, the family. Oh oh. .......The FEAR of reliving my PAST shivered up and down my spine. A darkness descended...... well in my MIND anyway.
But then...... another strangest thing......
MORE LAUGHING. The speakers were telling FUNNY STORIES from their HAPPY DAYS. There was a small problem. I didn't hear any of the talks because I am deaf as a post with faraway speakers. But that mattered not. It was a pretty HAPPY service. The congregation was laughing and giggling. Weeeell maybe, sorta, kinda.......
When it was all over and we all went outside I spoke to a few of the family including my friend Red. And you know wot dot?
I had no reason to fear at all. It was all cooooool. Granted it won't make it into the Comedy Company's list of 'greatest ever' episodes but it was FUN in a maybe, sorta, kinda way.
It was another beautiful STEP forward on my Journey. I learned more. I had more fantastic footage for my "EXPERIENCES" folder in my "PAST" portfolio. And afterwards as I trekked another 4 klms to civilization I felt pleased with myself. Not so much because I had made it through another FUNeral relatively unscathed and of relatively sound MIND , but indeed because I made it at all...........
And of course there is a very simple reason for that in the 'big picture scenario' of my Journey.........
..... I CHANGED MY MIND............
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