"Oh how painful to remember the feeling of loss
Such emptiness, no control, no longer the boss
Head in my hands I looked down into the dark
My spiteful new friend 'self pity' was making it's mark
Then the thunder roared out to my all consuming fear
Be alone it cried screaming merrily. before I shed one single tear
Hope was no ally for this bitter taste of remorse
For the experience of the lonely could now take it's course
Lightning followed thunder, momentary relief from dimming skies
The fear had engulfed me, fuelling my ego's deafening cries
But then five senses alerted me to what was to come
To drown in my own tears of sadness, I was not to succumb
Amidst the thunderous turbulence of the storm in my mind
I could smell this aroma, a scent from nature, of a peculiar kind
Enlightened by this fragrance of beauty with eyes wide shut
I looked up to the heavens for a sign to put an end to this rut
And then I felt it's soothing drops of redemption
Opened my mouth to taste the purest form of intention
As the heavens opened up I could hear this divine sound
Right before my eyes these drops of eternity I had found
And I smiled.
"Twas then that I let out this almighty scream
I found Heaven.... and the beginning of the most beautiful dream
For this Angel had delivered five senses to ease my pain
So I could move forward ....... and now sing in THE RAIN"
aka Brendan Lauritz
The past is important to our future because of the experience. Because of the life lessons it provides for our future. Just like the Rock Concert script I have written, our lives are really two parts....... The STORY which is our PAST, and The DREAM, which is our FUTURE.
That poem above is an extract from my MIND. As much as I hate to think of the bad stuff that I have experienced I still must use the pain to get where I am going. Life lessons.
I think I may have talked about this in a previous blog. When I became homeless it was all new to me (obviously!). Like walking into the dark, I was scared. Very. I had to find ways to survive. I also had to find a way to eat. Enter my first soup kitchen. I sat on the steps of an office building across the road from where the food van was to arrive. I watched other homeless stagger in. And I felt sick. Soooooo sick. Folded arms across my tummy I swayed to and fro, wondering what I was in for. My emotional wreck matched the dismal outlook of the encroaching storm. Those are the moments that you ask yourself the BIG questions. "What have I done? Why? How could I be so stupid? Am I going to make it out alive?
A distant memory but a tortuous one. A living nightmare. It still makes me sick remembering it. I feel sick now thinking about it. BUT.....
The poem above...... I could not have written it without that living nightmare. The book, the rock opera, the poems, the songs, indeed this BLOG thingie...... I could not have written any of it without that living nightmare, the bad experience. So you can see that my past has shaped my future. My DREAM is shaped by my STORY so far. My PAST is CREATING my FUTURE. And I have invited you along for the ride......
................THE RAIN ................