"The soul has no birth, no death, no beginning, no end.... It has been always, and always it will be. This is the very being of man"
- Hazrat Inayat Khan
Jane lied to herself. She kept convincing herself that she had to be the life of every party, of every happening. But she couldn't do it without the confidence builder. Just a sip here, a small chaser with her 'normal' wine. And a quick bong every now and then. She became invincible, untouchable. She wanted to be wanted. And wanted she was. First a couple of shots more and then drop a bit of speed to 'balance' the shots. The boys just loved her. She danced, she sang, she teased. Oh yeah, how she teased. At the end of the night she ended up with someone, boy, girl, sugar daddy. She needed someone, every night.
For ten years now she cried for him. She still missed him more than ever. She needed the confidence booster to deal with the pain. So she could forget, so she could escape the reality of loss and grief. As much as she tried nobody could replace his memory. He was her world, her heart, her mind, her soul, her very being. She still talked to him as if he were still there, cuddling into her, with his gentle kisses, the smell of his body making her smile, every single day.
But sometimes she would go a bit too far in her quest to forget. This night she pushed too far, teased too much. The boys all loved her, the whole eight of them. All night they loved her, just her and them.
Finally the last one left. She smiled as if she had enjoyed herself. But she knew this was it. The finish was near. She would finally be with him again. Her body was badly damaged. Her soul was destroyed. It was strange because she couldn't even cry. There was nothing. No feeling. Nothingness. Soul less.
Slowly she pushed herself to a position where she would fall off the bed. It was the only way to get to the bathroom. The body was done. Jane crawled to the bathroom like a savaged beast, still high from the drugs, still hurt from the action, still missing him. She lit the candles on the floor. She grabbed the syringe. It didn't matter that she couldn't find the vein.......
While she was waiting Jane smiled at her funny thought as she looked into the candles. She had finally seen the light. Now they will be together again. No bodies, one self, two souls finally one. The light was beautiful. She closed her eyes and let it take her. She could still see the light............