AGE : ZERO MINUS A FEW HOURS!
OK let's fast forward about 8 months plus or so. EB is no longer an embryo. That finished over 6 months ago. Now EB is well and truly a foetus with all body parts, brain and other accessories apparently in good working order. In fact Foetus is soon to become a fully fledged BUBBA. Dianne TaKnow, the incubator, is in the advanced stages of "lettin' it all hang out' and her best friend Pip (the same one as in my song 'Mad Like Your Dad') has come over to take her to hospital for the delivery. Dianne is worried. She wanted to be admitted yesterday but the hospital keeps monitoring her and think she is too early.
Meanwhile back in the oven of mum's tum.......
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Oink Oven Incubator, Dianne TaKnow
Pip Oink's best friend
Bout 'Bout to be a bubba but still a Foetus
THE SCENE
Dianne TaKnow's living room. Dianne is laying on the floor. She thinks her waters have broken (is that wot you say? I'm just a male author....). Her best friend Pip is on the phone to the nurse at the hospital waiting for the word to bring Dianne in. Bout the foetus, soon to be a bubba is cruisin' while snoozin' until..........
Oink: Aaaarrgghh.......
Pip: Now stay calm darling. We'll be off soon....
(Pip tries to calm the Oink.....)
I wonder if it will be a boy or girl?
I'm dyin' to know
Oink: Aaaaarrgghh.......no your not....
Pip: What?
Oink: I'm Dianne TaKnow. Aaaaarrgghhh....
Pip: Oh, that's fuuuneee..
Both girls break out into a fit of laughter. Meanwhile.......
Bout: Oooooo Mmmmmm (stretching)
Hey you two nutters. I'm not deaf you know. I might be in the
oven but I'm right next to you. Shutdaar........I'm tired.....
Wooooaa, aaghm, excuse me but, aaghm, I think I'm leaking..
Wooooaa, aaghm, ladies, aaghm, somebody's leakin' in da oven
OMG, it's the waterbed. The waterbed's sprung a leak. OMG...
Oink: My waters have broken. Oh it's time to go...
Pip: Right now darling (calmly). Let's take you off to hospital....
Bout: OMG...Heeeelppp....What's happening...Call the fire brigade...
the oven's flooding...Oink dooooo something...have you got a
repair kit to fix the leak...Oh no now what's goin'down.....
Aaargh, H.E.L.L.O aaaaghm, I'm spinning...I hope I'm still attached
to that rope thingie....
Oink: Aaaaaarrgghh......
Pip: Right dear now one foot into the car. Thaaaat's it...
Oink: Pip stop talking to me like I'm an idiot. I'm giving Bir....
Bout: Whooooaaaaa, I'm getting giddy. Water pressure dropping rapidly
Hey Oink I need help in here....(CLUNK)...Yikes...Aaaaghm.....
heeeelp...I hit my head on somethin', I'm aaaaghm sorta upside
down in the oven here and my heads stuck between somethin'..
hellooooo, hellooooo...waterbed, pleeease come back...OINK....
do they have rosary beads in these oven incubators???
heeeelp (gulp)......I'm choking in here people...there's something
strangliiiiing me (cough cough)..I'm turning blue...should I be blue
someone....hello....bye everybody...looks like we'll have to cut the
series short....aaaahaaagh (muffled cry).....
Tomorrow : Big Thingies
Meanwhile back in the oven of mum's tum.......
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Oink Oven Incubator, Dianne TaKnow
Pip Oink's best friend
Bout 'Bout to be a bubba but still a Foetus
THE SCENE
Dianne TaKnow's living room. Dianne is laying on the floor. She thinks her waters have broken (is that wot you say? I'm just a male author....). Her best friend Pip is on the phone to the nurse at the hospital waiting for the word to bring Dianne in. Bout the foetus, soon to be a bubba is cruisin' while snoozin' until..........
Oink: Aaaarrgghh.......
Pip: Now stay calm darling. We'll be off soon....
(Pip tries to calm the Oink.....)
I wonder if it will be a boy or girl?
I'm dyin' to know
Oink: Aaaaarrgghh.......no your not....
Pip: What?
Oink: I'm Dianne TaKnow. Aaaaarrgghhh....
Pip: Oh, that's fuuuneee..
Both girls break out into a fit of laughter. Meanwhile.......
Bout: Oooooo Mmmmmm (stretching)
Hey you two nutters. I'm not deaf you know. I might be in the
oven but I'm right next to you. Shutdaar........I'm tired.....
Wooooaa, aaghm, excuse me but, aaghm, I think I'm leaking..
Wooooaa, aaghm, ladies, aaghm, somebody's leakin' in da oven
OMG, it's the waterbed. The waterbed's sprung a leak. OMG...
Oink: My waters have broken. Oh it's time to go...
Pip: Right now darling (calmly). Let's take you off to hospital....
Bout: OMG...Heeeelppp....What's happening...Call the fire brigade...
the oven's flooding...Oink dooooo something...have you got a
repair kit to fix the leak...Oh no now what's goin'down.....
Aaargh, H.E.L.L.O aaaaghm, I'm spinning...I hope I'm still attached
to that rope thingie....
Oink: Aaaaaarrgghh......
Pip: Right dear now one foot into the car. Thaaaat's it...
Oink: Pip stop talking to me like I'm an idiot. I'm giving Bir....
Bout: Whooooaaaaa, I'm getting giddy. Water pressure dropping rapidly
Hey Oink I need help in here....(CLUNK)...Yikes...Aaaaghm.....
heeeelp...I hit my head on somethin', I'm aaaaghm sorta upside
down in the oven here and my heads stuck between somethin'..
hellooooo, hellooooo...waterbed, pleeease come back...OINK....
do they have rosary beads in these oven incubators???
heeeelp (gulp)......I'm choking in here people...there's something
strangliiiiing me (cough cough)..I'm turning blue...should I be blue
someone....hello....bye everybody...looks like we'll have to cut the
series short....aaaahaaagh (muffled cry).....
Tomorrow : Big Thingies
RSS Feed