"Be soft in your practice....... broken .... but they mend ....
Think of the method as a fine silvery stream,
not a raging waterfall,
Follow the stream, have faith in it's course
It will go it's own way, meandering here,
It will find the grooves, the cracks, the crevices.
Just follow it.
Never let it out of your sight
It will take you."
- William Wray, Sayings and Tales of Zen Buddhism
Enter pain and suffering. Enter the turbulence of your MIND and the THOUGHTS that you will CHOOSE. If you take a trip into Devil's Dip (under the doona, crying, doubting, missing.....) then you are susceptible to making the wrong choices because your psyche has been weakened by the obstacle, the loss that has decimated your very BEING, sometimes to the point of questioning your existence. And those questions will begin the NEGativity process that you must go through to LEARN FROM LIFE. Rather than use the experience of the loss to answer some of the principle questions about the 'Meaning of your life', the 'Reason for your existence' and the mandatory 'Why?', the negativity causing the pain and suffering, will weaken your resolve, and often your WILL .... to live.
In my case I made wrong choices driven mostly by my EGO which was the main contributor to my destructive path. So my cluttered reasoning at the time was to hit the books at the Library, always the self help and personal development books. In some ways it was a good idea because I did LEARN from the writing of others. But because my EGO was controlling my decision making I began to search for the suffering people who had losses bigger than mine. Whole families wiped out, losses of children and the like. Degrees of Devastation greater than mine made me feel better. Pretty sick, huh? I wanted to play the "my pain is greater than yours" game....
See, looking back on it now, that is the negativity eating into your very BEING..... all driven by EGO. Oh dear, what was I to do?
How wrong I was. Negativity was beating me up. Common sense and logic were out the door. Welcome into my life..... the tyranny of GRIEF.......
(TOMORROW : The DEFEAT of the GRIEF....
The TRIUMPHANT BELIEF...... )