GRIEF BELIEF......the dark angel of GRIEF.......
"The chill wind makes me feel the discomfort of a life not worth living
A dampness creates an odor that seems to be burning my lungs
Still darkness lights up the abyss of my wretched existence
And yet I see with eyes wide shut, the reason for my need to become
My head aches from the grief that is torturing my soul
And yet I know it's not my head but my consciousness I control
This will to meaning, it drives the tears of loneliness, my expression of guilt
But is there something or somebody to help me, to live life to the hilt
And so I fight my own feelings, I search my vision, that calmness within
The source will give me the energy to fight this negativity, a force so evil
but still I know that my mind will offer the thoughts of redemption, to choose
to beat the loss I am feeling causing the grief , to accept this bitter pill
These choices of the mind are mine, to rid the emptiness of my being
and to crush the dampness and darkness within, so I must choose
my journey forward, my mission, to choose life and the time I have been gifted
For I have adopted a yearning for completeness within"
aka Brendan Lauritz
It is a lifetime ago. And it has changed me. Lots of stuff has happened. When you are going through grief, especially that caused by your own stupidity, you tend to punish yourself more, to beat yourself up because you deserve it, or so I thought. But living in a tent creates a whole lotta obstacles apart from the reason you ended up there. A lot of hardship is a direct consequence.
During this time I made some pretty big decisions. One RIGHT CHOICE I made was to completely re-invent myself. To do what I wanted to do with the remainder of my wretched life. The first part of that process was to accept my fate. To accept my living conditions for what they were. And so I did. Then I decided to do something weeeelll...... let's just say a bit radical. I would tell my story of my future backwards. It's when the THINKING reeeeeally began. It's when I came to take on board something that I would use to full advantage. It's called BELIEF, to be more precise SELF-BELIEF. But as I stated, it was RADICAL and it went something like this.........
I couldn't find anybody to show me how to get out of my rock bottom so I decided to CREATE MY OWN STORY. Yep, right from under that rock. And the story is about going from nothing to number one. So any good starting point for any good STORY is obviously any good book. So I wrote a book about something I haven't done yet. Hmmmm..... a bit nutty I guess for a homeless man. But the nutty got nuttier!
Being a first time writer and selling a stack of books is pretty hard. Probably would have had more chance walking to Heaven and back! But I had used my ready made up strategy of NEEDSEARCH to work out what I was capable of.
So I KNEW.....
Since that life changing decision I have continuously Worked Backwards by STEPping forward ever so slowly. Putting myself in a position where I can take advantage of OPPORTUNITIES as they present themselves. I am therefore in effect, CREATING the opportunities...... backwards. In fact I am creating my future backwards along with my story. A book is a pretty coooool thingie, especially when you write it about stuff that hasn't happened yet. Hmmmm.......
But then what good is a book if nobody knows it's there and you don't have a cent to market with all of the publisher packages (of tens of thousands of dollars!). Have BELIEF in your story. Create your own exposure. Huh????
You nuts Trigger!!!!!
Anyway you know the other stuff. The news.com number one story. The ACA interview during the Olympics, the magazine articles and radio (drivetime) interviews.
You still nuts Trigger!!!!!!
But then I decided to build a website and BLOG thingie so I could communicate with y'all on a regular basis. Trying to build the exposure I need. And that is working. Numbers are growing which is nice. But I need it to go viral and that will soon happen.......
And I smiled.
Because I knew.
See it's like this. I have written down in the exercise books everything I was going to do to create my story BACKWARDS. I also invited y'all to come on my Journey. That invitation is also in my book. And y'all being nice little dots have accepted my invitation. That is soooooo cooooool. But as I have been writing and spending a whole lotta time on BLOG thingie I have been building a loyal audience, I have been getting better-ererer at writing (weeeell I think anyway!), I have been building the story and I am actually enjoying work for the first time in my life. But more than anything I am pleased to tell you that I am CREATING OPPORTUNITIES for myself. It was always going to be a Big Gig, a long trip. I knew it from the start. But I have never wavered. I KNOW what I can do. My BELIEF in myself cannot be faulted. It's probably the biggest belief ever in the history of BELIEF...... Or so I think! But I have told y'all soooo many times what the next STEP in my insanity is.
You still nuts Trigger!!!!!!!!
Hmmmmmm........... Maybe, probably, definitely........
All you have to do is watch.
It is what it is, huh? But BELIEVE me, it 'ain't no fairytale!
Good story, though. The story of .........
GRIEF to BELIEF